i just saw my boxers from 2 days ago stuck in a tree 4 miles from my house
I think I just saw the silver monkey from legends of the hidden temple sitting out in someone's trash
GO. BACK. NOW.
On this egg donor form, it asks "In the past 5 years, have you had sex for drugs or money?" It only gives a yes or no option and no place to explain myself. What do I do?
I found a knife in my bed when I got back this morning. I think one of my roommates has it in for me
i lost my airplane ticket and tried to board with a bar receipt in all the confusion. i have officially lost all brain cells in college.
Somehow I don't trust you in this state to talk to you about a colonoscopy
The bouncer at this strip club is my new best friend. He is also very persuasive. He got me to strip onstage for a t shirt. It's a nice shirt.
I've been ignoring his texts cause last night I put him in my phone as 'ignore for atleast a day' and I trust my drunk self.
he says he is going to get you very high and make you leave the country with him
possibly by boat
It's okay. I've dumbed down my notes over the semester because I knew I wouldn't be up to understanding things come finals.
I think I freaked him out last night. We got back to my place and I made chicken nuggets, chicken Alfredo, and half of one of those huge oreida hashbrown bags. And then ate all of it
I feel like my body was put in a dryer with rocks set on permanent press.
Speaking of boners I learned how to say " jizz everywhere" in sign language
I'm at 45 minutes post orgasm, and I still feel my insides spasming. Pretty sure I just fucked Superman.
Remind me to tell you about how I hit a tree with my car last night.
I'll be glad to.
Randomize
