Goddamnit I hate your level headedness
Its official, cigarettes are now more expensive than weed
okay, this is the fifth time he asked if it was in yet. maybe i shouldn't have dated a blind guy.
I opened my door to go to class and all there was was a raccoon puking on the doorstep. In hindsight, it was a very accurate omen.
I know you're trying to keep the moaning to a minimum but the banging on the wall is totally giving you away
Just found out my ex boss was running a whore house in the bar. Time to remove her as a reference?
Why isn't there a sort by hair color option on Facebook? It would make stalking much easier.
"can of pringles" is totally a legitimate measure of time
I feel like we should actually go to church one of these days to thank god for saving us from herpes and babies.
They put paint on their hands and tried to see how many times they could touch me before I woke up.
Judging by this purple one they got to second base.
I made a booty call at 3:30 am on a Monday... I think I just became the ultimate female fuckboy. I don't know whether to be ashamed or get myself a trophy.
If Dr Phil has taught me anything about myself, it’s that I can seriously relate to those women who fake their pregnancies.
He let me eat chexmix while we fucked... I think I love him.
Best news I’ve heard all day. Cookies and dick. What more could a girl ask for?
Noooo no no no no. She scares me. She means business. She wore a diaper when we went to the bar.
Randomize
