the fundamentals of my vasectemy are strong
I am not drunk. I will recite the pledge.
I don't want you to recite the pledge!
Pledge alligien to america to united states of america
Why hello there Olivia! How are you today on this fine and most wonderful morning full of magic and adventure and awesomeness?
Someone just got laid.
It was an awkward 3some. I took her from behind while he just made out with her.
i think the doormans mad at me
well we haven't pretended to pretend we were going to have a threesome with him for a while...
Apparently she was filling Miller Lite bottles with water because I refused to be seen drinking water in a bar
Dude this deaf chick is totally hot, I just bought an apartment on boner ave
he fucked me so hard i could feel my pelvis shifting. like i legit feel more prepared for childirth now
A big toe in my vag is not foreplay.
It's the happiest looking penis I've ever seen. It should have a top hat and a spectacle on and soft shoe across the room with a cane. He's a cheery little feller.
The guy behind me is talking about how his life goal is to use his knowledge of mathematics to make the world a better place. My only life goal right now is getting through this lecture without throwing up in my lap.
I let him use my phone and now I keep getting gay cruise ads, I guess he forgot to mention something.
I can’t believe I made out with a flat earther and didn’t know about it until now!
Like my mom really needs to know just how non existent my sex life is
Fucked a DJ on a jetski today... I love florriidaaa!
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