You just compared our sex life to a seven year old kid.
Yeah! I got cockblocked by the blizzard last night. Lost girl on way to my apartment. Not a joke
at first i was worried but she assured me her frail vegan body would have no chance at conception.
Yeah I think we tried to use the shower curtain as a parachute because its tied to my backpack with some string. Dont know if anyone actually attempted it though.
I'm on my way, but at some point we're going to have to settle who gave who crabs the last time
The more and more I drink I keep rationalizing banging eye patch girl
You know it's time to do the dishes when you take shots of water out of a sake glass...
And you wonder why you're always one of the guys?
Someone came into our hotel room and took our remote
What should I do?
I got so many dick pics last night. It was like a slideshow from heaven.
ok so i got home drunk and was cleaning my kitchen and i was shaking out the throw rug and dropped it out the window, i'm sorry
This is why you arnt allowed in pet stores
There's something empowering about being at dinner and sitting across the table from two men you've blown.
Now I’m honestly wondering if I took this kids virginity
I'm classy like audry Hepburn. Chugging wine out of the bottle on the way to the club. Shed do that. I know she would.
My New Year's resolution consists of less weekday hangovers, more sex, and more money.
Randomize
