i just shit 3 out of the 4 types of matter
the level of his annoyance + every insult he makes = the closer I am to telling him im fucking his ex
Martha Stewart would most definitely roll a great joint.
since i spend so many of my nights sleeping on the bathroom floor i think im going to remove all toiletries from under my sink and replace them with a pillow and blanket.
stephanie tanner's voice is so fucking annoying. no wonder she resorted to crystal meth.
So we went to home depot to buy supplies to build a beer bong but ended up buying an office water cooler that were going to put vodka in
I remember pointing out how smooth my legs were to try to direct his attention away from my vagina.
I bet. I bought a surfboard and a kite and filled my camelback with vodka-tonics. Let's do this
Drunk at ten am watching Californication re runs. Being divorced rules.
I had 2 bags of iv saline fuilds for brunch and the buffet at the strip club for dinner. happy easter.
WAIT this kid is eating yogurt with a fucking ladle. what is happening?
The only reason you haven't shit yourself yet is because you don't like having fun.
Just bought shot glasses from the thrift store. I think the guy buying a winter coat was even judging me.
I feel like you're encouraging me to commit a felony.
I feel like you're wasting time.
Omg, new summer goal: sex in a bouncy castle.
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