i just passed a truck with a bumper sticker saying "i'd rather be cummin than strokin." god bless the midwest.
He smothers me through text. I can't even image what he'd be like in person.
Only you could manage to look like a complete slut while wearing a turtle neck.
Just found my DARE notebook from 6th grade. Extacy was starred and highlighted.
At least I've made one childhood dream come true
Just had to explain to a senior manager why I had duct tape residue on my wrist and hand. This weekend was a success.
Its that time of week again, Bad life decision wednesday
It's the first day of summer. It's not a race it's a marathon. Pace yourself
It took me 3 tries to get up the front steps. They kept me motivated by waving taco bell just out of my reach. Surprisingly effective.
its just been over 12 hours, and i`m dying, don`t know how i`m supposed to survive the holidays sexless
I can't believe you didn't come out. There was a duckling ON THE BAR!
You have all semester to unpack your car, quarter jello shots only last until 10.
I puked into my skirt and then had to carry it to the bathroom and dump it out, Lmfao and it was like 2pm
PEOPLE ARE STILL EATING FAJITAS IN DROVES. BY THE CASELOAD. THERES A FORKLIFT OF SIZZLING MEATS.
In honor of the new administration, I'm going to make it my goal this weekend to get some lesbian action. Fuck Donald Trump and fuck Mike Pence. I'm going to be a spiteful gay.
Had to admit my broken elbow was caused by vodka, not hockey
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