My mom just told me that after i turned eight i stopped growing mentally and emotionally
Whose surfboard did we steal and why is there a wood carving of a pelican in the fridge where the beer used to be?
just once i'd like the "right thing" and the "topless thing" to be the SAME THING
Been at work for four hours and just discovered the chairs in my office double as a napping surface. Most productive thing I've done all day
I gave him head and we watched Fashion Police. somehow it wasn't awkard.
ME TOO. Am adrunk madr out qith. White guy. Guy de white. Blanco chico. Chico de blanco
We could be the people that go there! Shuffleboard n shit. Meet strippers.
You had me at shuffleboard and strippers
My public calorie counter app is pretty much just a cry for help.
Balls are being tripped. Said meow to my cat and he said yeah cool dude.
Instead of a hangover my body just feels like shame
That is a hangover
I would prefer a headache
I just want to meet whoever runs the hall cameras
hahahaha I don't. Watch one day i'll be walking along and someone will stop me and say "oh you're that one girl who is out. of. control." But then they'd probably give me a high five.
OUR DIABOLICAL SLUT PLAN HATH COMMENCED!
I told him I'd ride his broomstick if he let me call him Harry Potter and drew a lightning bolt on his forehead.
11% beer and firearms, what could possibly go wrong?
HANDS OFF UNTIL AFTER I DO BUTT STUFF WITH HIM.
Randomize
