I wish my cat could text because i would tell him that everything will be ok. and i wish he could send them back..but him have no thumbs. him no know what he would text with.
what made you think it was a good idea to trust the girl that hides tequila in her backpack?
i knew it was time to break up with him once he pulled out the Halo foreplay costumes
you know, even black out drunk I can always remember the exact point where I should have stopped drinking.
I dont think that yelling at the medic "Christmas is gone, fuck off santa" was the best idea when you couldnt feel your legs.
Dude if I call tonight please answer and just say "NO, dont do it."
BAT SHIT CRAZY
It's you're fault, even though I never called
Cant really say how it happened but i woke up in the middle of the night and somehow pissed all over connors dad
At least is you came to Milwaukee to visit me you'd get the best mind blowing sex of your life and free wifi. Who doesn't want free wifi!
You act like tequila is some sort of sex juice
THERE IS A MOTHERFUCKING HUMMINGBIRD FLYING AROUND IN OUR HOUSE RIGHT NOW HOW DO I GET IT OUT????
Memeber that time you got detained in Poland. We don’t talk about that enough
Sorry I drunk. I wouldn’t eat those pancakes. I think I put glitter in them.
Just filed for child support I hope he gets the paperwork on Father's Day
Today I saw someone riding a horse on the sidewalk by aldi when I went to walmart. Old town road was playing on the radio. It was perfect.
thank you for being so understanding of my weak stomach and poor self-control
Randomize
