yeah i just made her a character on oregon trail and i hope she gets dysentry and dies. that'll show her.
Congratulations, you fucked a nickle into me.
"Don't get as drunk as I was on my birthday" has been upgraded from a goal for Friday night to a goal for my life in general.
Potato salad is not cupcake ingredient
you're asking me why i keep burn ointment in my purse.... do you really want to know the answer to that question?
My pupils are so HUGE you can see into my soul from 2 miles away
Your boobs are like a big quesadilla marker
Omg do you remember last night you kept pointing to your vag asking who wants to play this like a fiddle hahaha
Whoever roofied me last night owes me a new pair of white jeans
Your exhaustion is probably due to your rampant sexual urges and the fact that you live the same life as a raccoon.
How's dinner? Come here? You can bring your boyfriend if you're ok leaving without him
The house hit rave levels when La Bamba came on which confuses me because I live in white suburban Canada
PARA BAILAR LA BAMBA ASSHOLES
Desperate times call for desperate measures. But he promised me no small talk so that was nice
You added his wife on Facebook?! You're horrible at this mistress thing
Look get the dick out ur mouth and answer the phone
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