There I was staring at a teeny weeny black one and a huge white one. It was like an episode of Myth Busters
now you know why we've never bought a 12 pack of king cobras before.
I had a dream that our used condom started talking to me. I told me that I did an amazing job, and told me that it saved me. From aids.
Dude. It just hit me for a second time. My thumbs are huge and moving very quickly. Like stampeding buffalo...
The worst thing about it is now I have to find someone else to fuck in the library.
I'm going to have to start playing roller derby again so I can blame my sex-related bruises on that.
I'm watching Russian dudes pole-dance. For research.
You've got to be fucking kidding me. Do you think "Husband drunkenly pees all over floors" is reasonable grounds for divorce? So pissed off right now.
I haven't had a bra on since I quit my job.
I made out with my moms boyfriends son last night. Thanksgiving is gonna be reeeal fun!
My sensibilities as a lady demand we cuddle on the couch, and THEN have loud, raunchy sex. Idk, what do you want to do?
I fucked his roommate. And that roommate's best friend. And my roommate. And my roommate's old roommate.
i'm bowing down, but slow your roll.
I mean, drunk me really liked him, maybe sober me will too. Who am I to deny fate?
i'm growling thTa how much i wNn slwwwp.
save me some of whatever you're doing i'll be there in five.
I just balanced a full glass of chocolate milk on my left boob. Don't think i've ever been more proud.
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