Crown is evil. It plays hide and seek with my morals
I would like to remind you that Mike's hard lemonade only goes good with an extra light cigarette and seminal fluid.
Security brought me back to our hotel room in a wheelchair last night. Vegas.
And if you ever tell anyone that I will fucking kill you.
The higher i get, the less gay he looks, and the more i want to make out with him. This is dangerous.
i have learned 4:30 is too early to start pregamming for the midnight harry potter
please hold off on going into labor, i might need you to take me to the free clinic
We were debating whether rain water is clean enough to drink. I won when he started throwing up.
Apparently she got a minor consumption for using vodka soak tapmons
Does that work!! Please say yes
Dave got tied up again. I'm done breaking into girls houses to cut him loose. At least before noon.
You're gonna be proud in the future that you fucked the next bill gates
Just saw our highschool guidance counselor at the bar and he's taken six shots in the last hour. Those teenagers have fucking hardened him.
It was going very smoothly until she noticed my boner of hope.
He grabbed my tits and sang "you are so beautiful" to them before faceplanting into my chest
I mean I faked it but he could answer my texts
One day he'll find out I do drugs and stop talking to me.
What will you do then?
Drugs, probably.
Randomize
