it was worse than that time i tried giving evan head 4 days post nose job.
I just made friends with the guy at the coffee shop in borders. And by that I mean he stared at me until I was uncomfortable and left.
The best time of year to be high is WHEN THE KING CAKES ARE HALF OFF BECAUSE MARDI GRAS IS OVER YEEEEEEEEEEEEAAAAAAAAHHHHHHHHH
I found her under my bed eating airplane pretzels.
he thanks me after handjobs.
you found the perfect man.
That was the first time I have seen a confused expression with a dick in the mouth
She trust falled out of a window. It was like that scene from A Little Princess but with a lot more blood.
I blew him and did charles barkley impressions at the same time. what a pro
Before you even think your day was worse than mine, I had to disinfect and and stitch another dude's penis after his prince Albert got ripped out by an angry chick.
WHY AM I CRAWLING IN OLDER MEN HOLY JESUS
I got stoned and explored ice caves with a guy who photographs dildos for a living. I win.
So my new thing apparently is getting wasted, showing people my slytherin socks and convincing them I'm slytherin..because why not
These last few days with George, grandma, and now Carrie all dying have been pushing me further and further into rum's sweet embrace.
He sent me a dick pic from a port-o-potty in Boston. If that's not love Idk what is.
I'm eating cold pizza from work and drinking beer from a wine glass trying to decide if I want to shower or just rub one out and go to sleep. How have I ever gotten laid?
Because you're really hot before taking the time to actually get to know you.
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