During the middle of giving him head, he flashes his phone and says "I like to watch."
It just hit me that i made out with someone's mom last night
I'm wearing an NBA shooting sleeve while jerking off...and yes my arm has stayed warm
He just brought me a wine glass. Full of Tequila. Ignore any texts after this one.
I just got my inseam measured in raffle tickets by a drag queen. Being fondled for charity is awesome.
Going to.goingto.gtoing to DIE DIE DIEEEE......i feel like everyeone impotrant in my life like MLK is judging me.... saddd day
Found the puke drawer
I have a strict rule of what enters my vajay. It's either sparkly, or human. Anything else and I draw the line. Standards.
Just saw some lesbians get in a fistfight in an Arby's parking lot. It's good to be home.
I need someone to play with my boobs. Even platonically. I just need a good groping
I don't want to get pregnant doggy style. That's sad.
So we decided we're going to stop having sex...except for tonight. And probably tomorrow.
Well my mom knows that the welt I had on my forehead last month was the result of a sex accident. This holiday sucks
Drank vodka clubs for 6 hours last night. Holy shit just realized that.
THREE MINUTES! THREE MINUTES PAST MIDNIGHT I STSRT HEARING CHRISTMAS MUSIC ON THE OVERHEAD PA SYSTEM!!!
Randomize
