her vagina looked like bernie madoff
I just found a 1/2 inch of mimosa in my shoe.
You should get more absorbent shoes.
i tried slipping money on her dresser whenever she brings guys home hoping she'll start to question her goals in life... i think its only encouraging her
In the middle of blowin me she stoppped and told me how easy it would be to insert a catheter ..... Apparently she was a nursing major
Damn it, I know in the morning I'm going to regret eating out of the trash...
if the best thing you can say about him is "he probably wont kill me" you may want to rethink hanging out with him
I have your dog in a headlock. Se wants my mushrooms.
I want a nosebag of coke after my exam. Like what horses have. Coked up horses. No excuses. I love you.
I feel that shower jager is exactly what this man needs after last night.
You're a disgrace to gay men everywhere.
I think I just wrote a poem about your penis but it was totally unintentional.
We lost you in the mall, but to no surprise we found you waiting in line to sit on santas lap. You said you wanted to ask him for a pound of weed and a subway giftcard for xmas.
Once you jizz in someones hat, you cant take it back.
Well if you don't want to be kicked out before last call don't I would suggest stop drinking whiskey and don't call the giant bouncer with the neck tattoo "princess"
Waffles and pussy, what else is there?
Does this mean I have to put a bra on now
Randomize
