I don't understand how he can't hear himself snoring, but he'll wake up to me sneaking m&m's from my junk food stash beside the bed...
How do u explain cocaine to a 9 year old?
Just saw a guy doing jumping jacks at the gym. I don't even have to create a punch line for that
sometimes i wish i was a boob, they get to chill in soft and cuddly little cup things.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I think I need to donate blood to see if I have Hepatitis. Again.
I resisted the urge to announce that it looks like a big crystal butt plug
I left the brick of cheese in your car! Keep it at Moderate Temp! It's my precious!
Yes, if by 'finishing my business' you mean vomiting in her bathtub and losing my watch.
I just want to smoke this blunt and eat pizza rolls while watching The Price Is Right with you.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
also I have no idea whose underpants I'm wearing right now but they're super comfy and I'm not giving them back ever
drunk snapchatting is the worst, because i woke up with great pictures of my tits saved to my memories and no idea who i sent them to
My god imagine how much cum is in that astroturf
you're telling me you don't want to have sex 30,000 feet above the earth?
So she was amazing, that's what. Idk if it was the blow or the blowjob, but both my heads are still tingling.
I was singing Colors of the Wind and swigging vodka and still felt like more of an adult.
Randomize