Get out...Run...Or there's going to be a dick in your mailbox
Just made ouyt with a dude on the real wporld...I said I dont want my face blired out
We went to the police station completely hammered looking for you. Don't tell me I'm not a good friend.
My RA tried to compliment my pong tables design after he confiscated it
So how do we make 4/20 better than every other day we are stoned?
Thanks for sticking it out with old horseface last night... I owe you one buddy.
I ended up with a gash in my head from drunken dancing last night. I love life.
Did you blow the guy you weren't supposed to hook up with again in the bathroom of pita pit? Cause that happened last night...
Also I'm very proud of th fact that I walked my dog before bed. Drunk dog walking should be an Olympic sport; it takes SKILLS.
Welp just pooped in a garbage can. Guess I'm not better than you at life in any aspect.
Its was awkward last year cuz in the middle of it her mom bust In the room with noise makers and champagne
Last night was a whirlwind of vodka - induced emotion
Is it sad or funny that I just bought two pregnancy test at the dollar store to give away to people on New Year's Eve while driving for Uber.
At some point you said you just wanted to get laid, so we had a moment of silence for your dead sex life...
I feel really sorry for my toilet right now
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