you yelled then hung up at the girl on information bc she could not pinpoint your location and tell you how to get to dennys
You know how I know it's Spring Break? I just passed a car with "South Padre bound" shoe polished on the back. The driver was blatantly drinking a roadie and getting road head.
dude, i have to cancel tonight, my neighbor just bought a goat
I need a legitimate reason as to why the microwave door is in the shower
he thinks the dog can do a keg stand. i will let you know how it turns out
Have you asked your drug dealer if he wants to see harry potter with you?
There are two things I love in this world. Dick and cats. Why can't I just have dick and cats forever
No. I'm laying on the floor naked. I almost made it to the shower
This could be the definition of living by yourself
him being a republican bothers me way more than his coke problem.
And now I'm drinking leftover wine in the grad lounge because fuck my life
I fill condoms, not promises.
So I just sneezed blood everywhere. On the upside. After yesterday I feel way more confident AND I give even less of a fuck.
For reals. He's my age and he still hangs out at his frat house & gets hammered every weekend. Idk if I'm jealous of him or if I pity him
I woke up under the stretchy sheet like the corners were still stuck under the bed. I had to wiggle the corners off in order to get up. I was trapped. how did that happen
You don't make any sense
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