she smelled like a LAN party
apparently the officer said last night, "son, why don't you do yourself a favor and spread your legs so you don't keep vomiting on them". why can't I remember those nights?!
I think a girl in front of me glued an ugg tag to a weird pair of boots.
the theme of the baby shower is Nightmare On Prego Street
You know we had a good night last night when today I opened up my Google Translate application and the language is set to Persian and the phrase to translate is "I want you to suck my dick".
How could I forget your birthday? I have an alarm in my phone to ask you for sex that day.
'go have sex with her' ddoes not count as wingman
so she gave me back a bag of clothing, had some boxers in it...they werent mine.... well that sums up 5 years of my life
and then you called me a third time and yelled that you were stealing a puppy named Willow
Ok she stopped using her fork and knife and is legit eating that steak using her hands.
It is such a beautiful day to not be arrested
At one point, the bartender wrote out the words "please kill me" on some receipt paper and slid it across the bar to me.
She rode me wearing nothing but a Santa hat. Merriest fucking Christmas!
Oh, the accent alone guaranteed a bj. It was when he started drunkenly singing in PERFECT PITCH that I knew I was fucking him.
i want to say his dick was in it but not his heart
Randomize
