I just walked in on my mom and dad......It wasn't my dad
after we finished he farted and said 'i've been holding that one in'
every single kid we've ever known, every single person we've gotten blow jobs from, every single person we've hit home runs with... is at dennys right now
Graduating is kinda bittersweet. Now I'm gonna have to find another excuse to day-drink and sleep until 3pm besides "I'm in college."
Can we please not be like these pathetic people in their thirties who only get drunk when they go see Sherrill Crow?
you two really need to work out your issues. my vagina can't handle another week of your pent up frustrations.
What did he say? I couldn't hear him over the sound of how awesome his beard is.
Lab coat again saves the day - hiding embarrassing shart evidence...
I was chasing moonshine with vodka last night. I'm still not sure how I'm sober right now.
its 3am and I'm taking a bubble bath, this is what taking a day off work at 30 looks like
I've had to take two showers today and it's not even 1 o'clock. Why won't this weekend wash off?
Ehh, the third backed out. Two still isn't bad. Who gets a bootycall to pick them up from a bootycall's house anyways? Only me.
probably because i sent a bunch of guys a snap saying happy one year to my nipple piercings
Ever get that feeling that you're the back up booty call and half way through securing the fake date excuse to try to get in your pants, the guy hears back from the original booty call and drops the conversation with no explanation?
Had a dream last night where I asked you how your Christmas was and your response was, “sex, man. Just lots and lots of sex.”
Good god. A spell so dry your friends actually commit it to their subconscious!
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