Awesome. Ask her out.
Nope. She's got a detail of ed hardy security around her.
do you have any idea why i woke up naked spooning my toaster?
I wouldn't necessarily call it an addiction, more of a passion. I'm habitually passionate.
I just puked into a plastic bag at a red light. Go me.
I did the walk of shame to church this morning.
hooker boots and all?
Yep. People looked at me like I was the prodigal daughter returning home. Full of sins but welcome anyway.
right. well i dont plan on getting laid till i find a respectable girl that i can make unrespectable
I asked her if she was the outdoorsy type, she replied "I had sex on a fourwheeler once, does that count?"
He cooked me dinner. I showed my appreciation by showing up shithoused and breaking a bottle of steak sauce on his floor.
Thank god Shes going home for winter break, gives my dick a chance to recover from those "bjs." Youd think a senior could suck a dick by now.
Do you think county jail has a Groupon?
Some fat latino guy has these 2 fat white moms making out with each other on the dance floor
Hit on in the middle of a Wal-Mart McDonald's by a really awkward nerd. There is not enough nope in the world.
The ONLY place I sext is in my anatomy class. It's an amped up level of playing doctor.
He asked if I had any questions. Apparently, "how thick is the stick up your ass" was not a correct question.
I forgot wine drunk hurts
Randomize
