I took Valium worth by frank. I squabble
Li shadha you vin. It's phot out. I just ate a fried Oreo
Midgets have it so easy. They have so much less leg area to shave.
I got a 69.7 in accounting. I have this whole doing the bare minimum down to a science
i have only one word for you: 3somewithnorwegiangirls
I dont know, but the way you were flopping around and gurgling made me scared that you were actually drowning in the carpet.
It's either my own vomit or popcorn butter in my ear right now. Banking on the second one.
We made popcorn last night. So it's both
Had mirculous sex while watching miracle. Until she got mad that I kept quoting the movie. Not my fault I'm a good multi-tasker
Do you believe in miracles?
Having a midget officiate your wedding because you think it'd be hilarious: good idea or potential lawsuit?
we passed out in our seats at the game for about 3innings. I guess they showed it on the big screen. nap n rally!
This 35 year old just told me that he was headed to the dance floor and it was about to get real dangerous......was that an invite?
Girl re-adjusts bra, no one bats an eye. I re-adjust nuts, everyone stares.
Definition of cool: he wants a back tattoo of three horses running through a "paisley explosion"
How did he even become this person? Like what drugs has he done??
you know she was a bad idea when your mom offers to pay for an eHarmony account
Just got a Lifeproof case for Christmas so hold on and tell me how my shower nudes look
Needless to say, I did not go home with him cause he kinda resembled a guppy fish.
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