a dead guy is trying to sell me oxy clean on my tv
I'm pretty sure the only race ive ever won was to my mothers egg
So they discontinued the hummer... Now people will have to go door to door to let others know they're assholes
But besides the pee thing, he sounds like a nice guy.
bad sex. bad bad bad. it was like trying to pick up an overcooked noodle with an empty pringles can. why do these guys always seem to find me?
It's amazing I mean I blew that senator just for him to deny me marriage.... Politics suck and he swallowed!
after the shots you kept on yelling "this is for the dreamers"
I didn't ask for a picture of your soft dick.
You're married and I'm going to make out with a stranger tonight. Isn't that weird? It's like a gap in the time space continium.
Woke up with a 22 year old with the number for a different girl written on my stomach, almost 30 can suck my dick I still got this shit
Oh boy I hope we come out of this alive. And with clean prison records
Holy shit, add "successfully got stoned secretly at a party where a cop was" to my list of accomplishments.
I need a beard to bite.
The cops high fived after they tackled you
I am a unicorn in a field of flowers, you asshole.
Randomize
