It's noon and i am somehow drinking by myself in a jazz tent in broad daylight.
i luv seein jocks study. its like watching monkeys masturbate.
Made a joint out of my Yale rejection letter. Life is grand.
i'm behind the bar giving him a hand job. i need stuff to make my foot stop itching.
okay, this is where i needed to clarify that i was kidding before when i said that jizz helps mosquito bites. but let me know how that goes. for future reference.
Woke up on the stairs at my parents house. Good start to vacation.
Ok spinning in the opposite direction thatg the room was spinning was the worst advice ever
i miss freshman lecture halls much harder to take shots in a class of 20
it's not like I want to die, I just want life to stop for a little bit. how does that work?
Sending dick pics while driving a car going 80 in the rain at night to a married woman? Why hello 2014
My plan for the weekend: 1) Get shit faced in Vegas. 2) Not die
The hot streak continues..if life was NBA jams i would be "on fire" right now
Never go drinking with anime club. End of story.
It figures that the only time one of my videos on Snapchat gets replayed is a video of my Hedonism Bot impression and NOT my nudes
If not, I can murder my liver twice...it's like a cat, it has 9 lives
just bought safety googles to wear so he can cum on my face and not in my eye. SAFETY FIRST!
Randomize
