Yeah, it was perfect until the end. Apparently women are super attracted to me until the sleeping with part.
if he's not good at sex i should be allowed to have sex with someone who is. that's a totally legit statement i think
why doesnt he love me? i have tried everything. i even sang to him after sex.
you have got to be kidding?
Dude, we somehow need to leave discretely with the toilet brush.
Please come pick me up? I sleep walked to planned parenthood again.
Do you know many girls there are in gay bars waiting for me to do coke off their tits? A lot.
When are you comin back?
probably mid next week, depending on when i finish my remaining half gallons
Someone touched my vagina when we were out last night. The fact that it was you is inconsequential and I am still counting it as a pull.
He gave me a beer, petted my head, and called me kiddo.
I think there's an ice cream truck out back, but there's no way I can get pants on in time to catch it
My sunday was babysitting three big, drunk, crying Swedes. Unless your day involved four or more giant drunk swedes I don't want to hear about it.
When you make me feel sane and well-adjusted, it is time to reevaluate your night out habits. Just sayin'.
He gave me an orgasim so fantastic that I had an asthma attack.
Don't send me pics of cunning dicks while I'm eating potato chips
I just watched your fat stupid son get hit by a Prius. Ran right in front of it. He's all right . But... Maybe you should have taught him to look both ways like a responsible parent does.
Randomize
