Theyre still fighting about whether its called america or the united states.
its 4th on my favorites list. 1. butt sex 2. mini skirts 3. three meat pizza rolls 4. fuck the pain away by peaches
I feel that my census will not be the first census submitted soaked in beer
I wasn't sure if "you're even prettier in the dark" was a compliment. Hmm.
On my way home right now. I miss you. let's cuddle. whiskey.
I'm eating Doritos that I crushed up n put in a cup so I only have to chill minimally.
The cabbie told me fat girls shouldn't wear tight clothes, and that he feels bad for the guys that have to be underneath them, especially because their positions are "very limited" and proceeded to ask me if I had a trash can and if I could throw something away for him. Don't worry though, he promised it wasn't anything "bad". He then handed me a tied up grocery bag with a bunch of wadded up Kleenex that weighed about 3 pounds. To answer your question, yes I made it home. Fml
I know everytime I get my paycheck I'm like "I should probably renew my gym membership" and then I just buy more alcohol
Hangover or death. Death. I'll have a slice of death please.
He told me I was the only person he wanted to fuck in his rental mini van. Thats so romantic for a fuck buddy relationship.
Just accidentally walked into a parade for Jesus
he asked if he should bring the trash can into the room.. apparently i shoved my finger all over his face and said.. shhhh dont talk... just take your pants off.
I don't even know if he's actually hot or just hot because he plays hockey..
You did not just say that.
His hair is as curly as mine. It was like watching me go down on myself.
Trying to decide if I'm relieved or disappointed that I didn't receive any fuck boi calls on nye
Randomize
