We traveled between two mile markers in 18 seconds. Do the math.
The guy dancing on me has three visible teeth. WHERE ARE YOU?
After they won there was a guy outside Magee Hospital yelling "name your kid Sidney"... that guy may or may not have been me.
Are you still at the party or did I leave?
i think i left a case of beer in your dryer
We all just did coke and we're coloring so if you're sober its pointless for you to come over here
I'm not going to be your wingman while you are in the hospital.
So... crashing at the hot bartender's place is not a solid marital decision.
Today was my cousin's Kindergarten graduation. I happen to also think of it as a MILF convention.
Also, making a white Russian with butterscotch schnapps instead of vodka is probably the best decision I've made in my entire college career.
I have been drunk every time I've gone to mexico. I do not remember mexico.
He fucked me on the hood of my car outside his work, and now I'm paranoid that the doggie day care next door might have security cameras.
Woke up in a cemetery. Puked in front a funeral ceremony that was going on.
i don't like interrupting booty calls. thats just rude.
High school drama coach is wasted and wanted me to tell you that I’m good at flip cup and you should be very proud of me
Where the hell are you
Randomize
