I know, he also has a fancy car to make up for his tiny penis
Police were just in my backyard to recover a loaded .38. What the fuck?????
my dad told me i had to spend my money wisely..so i spent the money he gave me for a desk chair on weed. ill be so high i wont even notice its gone
I wish I could get plan B off e-bay so it would be a secret and cheap.
You asked the waitress for a vasectomy and handed her a butter knife, like you were ordering something from the menu
You tried to call the hospital and left a voicemail asking if you could be put on the liver transplant list as a "pre-caution"
im giving 12 year olds life advice. this is probably illegal somewhere.
5 out of the 6 of them cut their hands while trying to shot gun the beer, I had never seen balls attached to such patheticness
He put used condom on the handle of the plunger in the bathroom.
you should be awarded for your promiscuity.
i really should.
You blacked out and then went around stealing other peoples phones and leaving yourself voicemails
I got two from random numbers, the first was me and said "Don't forget you murdered Josh in Wii Bowling"
The second Jenn said "You are ridiculously smart for drunk dialing yourself"
SHUT UP I CAN'T HEAR YOU OVER THE SOUND OF UKULELE AND LONLINESS
Now everytime I sit on a toilet I think about having sex with him. Great.
she brought her phone charger to the bar this bitch is ready to drink
You can make out without kissing
Explanation needed
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