thats the last time I fuck a piece of fruit on camera for him.
You put a nerf gun to his head and demanded him to take you to taco bell..
while cleaning my room, i've found many wonderful things. one of these is the card you gave me for my eighteenth birthday. it's a christmas card that says "i want to stick it in your sponger"
We need to either drink and not go to waffle house or go to waffle house and not drink. I need to know which is causing these shits.
Do you think my job would send me for a second drug test if i took a whole pumpkin pie to work for lunch tomorrow?
Hey. Be honored that I consider you the genital expert. I know alot of candidates for the position.
How long after mardi gras is it considered okay to wake up topless and wearing beads?
drunk freshman in the bathroom puking keeps saying "i'm a peasant" over and over
In case you were wondering, yes I did just watch the Katy Perry movie alone on a Saturday night. I'm so alone it makes a noise.
I have no idea how but i got a hold of a blue food dye packet. And proceeded to rub it all over my tits. So yeah i'd say its safe to say i'll be known as smurfette for a while
Apparently I blacked out and started wrestling with some dude last night. Just found out I might have dislocated his shoulder. Best part: he still wants to bone me
Maybe if I get to know him I'll stop wanting to fuck his wife so much.
Something I can get at drive through, boobs out, don't want to get out of the car
WHAT IS ALL THIS WATER BOTTLE FLIPPING NONSENSE? WHAT IS LIT?
YOUTHS.
He literally shouted this Viking war cry when he cam. Then as we laid there he sang me the most beautiful rendition of " When Irish Eyes are Smiling". I've never been more confused.
Randomize
