ugh. people who use coupons make me wanna punch a baby.
I get drunk and say inappropriate things... you get drunk and sleep with inappropriate people. it's what we do.
Next time we throw a party together I would appreciate it if you didn't try to get my friends to hook up with friends of yours you know have herpes
I know. My only sports are biking to buy drugs and running from the police.
the fact that we had sex in the dining hall makes it seem so much more like home.
Contents of my pockets this morning: phone, condom, one hoop earring, half a cheeseburger, lighter and a $87 receipt from tacobell. Time for work.
I was busy. But now I'm about to consume alcohol and chicken. We shall see where this takes us. Maybe to the moon, maybe to the floor. I have no idea.
He sent me a vid of himself jerking off. I hope his hands are the size of tennis rackets or it will be a very short date.
Her ass is the reason I still believe in a higher power
You know, this is NOT how I pictured my life would be when I was younger, and yet here we are.
Someone just said “I need to use up this money before I’m tits up under the dirt” so I think I’m going to start using that in my daily vocabulary.
11:30 and people are pissing in the sink. It's gonna be a good night.
My life is just a trash fire of work and Japanese video games now
It was a crazy night: tears were shed, blood was spewed, and bottles were emptied.
Guess whose grandma smokes weed?
Randomize
