Cut to me doing the walk of shame to work from a hotel.
i guess i finally out drove tiger woods this morning..
It's like Facebook knows when I'm about to masturbate and tells me to reconnect with exes.
Threw up 3 times on the lawn mower and then proceeded to crash it into a tree root and break it.
Just before going down on me she said, "I need a hairband for all of the jobs I'm about to perform."
Did you really just text me at 6:35 in the morning asking where the condoms were? I moved out a year ago.
Not sure if he was actually hot or hot in a "he brought a live chicken to the party" kinda way but I got his # regardless
Okay throwing up in my mouth a little = time to go home
We hotboxed his closet and accidentally lit some of his shirts on fire... do we have a fire extinguisher?
I feel like the fact that I slept with someone who dresses up like Batman a few times will never be lived down.
Denim handjobs are the worst handjobs. I hate all handjobs. Why do people even.
He kept referring to my giving him head as a new level in our relationship and acting sentimental
You gave him a bj, not a kidney
I taught three men with PhDs how to make a gravity bong last night. I love academia.
I'm seriously considering selling my books back early. I don't use them anyways and I could really use the beer money..
Until you've snorted cocaine at 6am before your nursing school clinicals birthing babies you're not on my level
Randomize
