I want to make a porn site called "girls with daddy issues"
You want to move to a city because of their promotional beer pricing
So?
This is why you shouldn't make decisions
We should bet how many people are going to get alcohol poisoning next weekend and whoever wins gets a free Starbucks.
It's gotten to the point that the dirty talk in my head when I touch myself has your accent
We are not on the "bring me breakfast" level. He's bringing me penis if I ask for breakfast too I'll just sound greedy
So a sorority girl just introduced herself to me by saying "a guy I used to fuck just threw up on me" and then she grinded on me
I just want to fuck you then discuss implications of our existence afterwards. Then Doritos and hot tub.
If the egyptians can build pryamids men can walk on the moon and ron jeremy can sleep with all those bitches then we can finish these three handles of vodka
I'm starting a point system. For every 2 beer runs i do for u slackers i get a free bottle of Barefoot.
We went to Denny's and he threatened to fight an entire high school track team by himself
I just made cupcakes.... Vodka icing. Results in the morning.
She's licking the whiskey out of the carpet. I think we may be soulmates.
So you called me the queen of nudes yesterday and I'm still not sure how I feel about it
I wonder how many people saw me whip my junk out and bang it on the light post in front of holabird bar and liquors last night. I'm about tired of having to do that.
Nobody saw you except the people in the bar, because you weren't outside. You were inside, and you were smacking it on the mens bathroom door handle
I really hate whoever invented fireball.
After we fucked we sat in bed and watched Charlie St. Cloud and he fed me ice cream. It was probably the most romantic thing I've ever done.
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