I'm in a room alone pouting because I got the wrong nachos at taco bell.
i never knew gatorade would taste just as good on the way back up
He looked like the mexican version of Steve Carrell with a unibrow.
Flying to Orlando on the 7th is cheaper than the 8th by like three margaritas.
is it bad that listening to the rabbi's wife talk about how we should only be with one person is making me really, really horny for no string attached sex
He was passed out on the floor holding a beer can, rolled over switched hands and never spilled a drop. We need to practice.
If she wants to think that freshman 15 means sleeping with 15 guys than so be it I just gotta make sure I'm one of them.
Random girl at this party just gave me a lap dance in a la-Z-boy. Night significantly improved.
I action rolled over a firepit. Twice. I am the action roll king
I remember doing shots of gin, then I have this strange memory of us making out in the womens room at waffle house.
I regret none of it.
You are going to come home to a suitcase in the fridge. Just go with it.
Sincerely. Thanks. You could have thought of anyone sitting on your face but you chose me. :)
My life has evolved from screwing randos, ok?
I am afraid of asking him for his new number so I continue to text the one that's no longer in service.
Omg I should get on tinder just to get some edibles in town
Randomize
