Reasons why i shouldn't be drunk and upset: i'm going to a boy's
I was in the bathroom and heard my brother scream "YOU FAIL!!!", and I swear to GOD, I thought my penis was yelling at me.
I'm in the liquor aisle and a 10 yr old boy yells, "My favorite beer is Corona! Daddy remember when you gave me some on our camping trip?"
All he was doing was sitting in the car, staring. We asked him what was wrong and he just turned, smiled, and said "everything has its own pair of boots"
all i could think was her face looked like a farm accident
You're asking the wrong person. I was drunk on nyquil and jager.
He makes me wish my vagina was bigger... This must be what love feels like.
Some might say its sad that I am willingly picking up a coke habit to be the skinniest bridesmaid... I think it shows my great dedication and proves I should have been maid of honor.
You took photos of my underwear around London the day after! THAT was too soon.
Let me get this straight, you're telling me to lower my standards? Even though last week you told me I don't have any..?
Why do I think he'd like to keep my hair in a box?
Make sure you plan your visit for October. That's ACL festival, it's like every Bro in the country converges on Austin. My vagina wants to go hunting.
I just don't wanna be that girl with no ride and no pants
Oh man
I hooked up with the lead singer of the band at the wedding. I am so hungover.
Hmmm, well all I'm saying is don't do anything too irrational because you miss him and are blinded by his large penis.
Randomize
