3 different guys in my psych class know me as 3 different names and said hi to me with all 3 different names-Andrea, Grace, and Bella
I've never been more proud of you
Wearing a Sarah Lawrence sweatshirt is like wearing a shirt that says, "I'm getting a degree in substitute teaching."
you know i'm gay cause i'd have sex with lady gaga. what straight man would say that?
you can't exactly throw up or pass out at the pentagon so i had to pull my shit together
he had his head down and said he was listening for the buffalo, he had to still be drunk.
He tricked me...the first song on his sex mix was trey songz but the rest were techno....i can't walk straight now
Kayla got stiches in her face. Rode in an ambulance shotgun. Tried to steal a baby, thought it was mine
I'm doing this for my boobs. They miss him.
Get to the bar. Power hour leading up to the rapture.
It's like we come as a package. Your slogan should be "be in my family, sleep with my roommate."
My slogan can be "bonding the family together. One dick at a time."
Did you like my voicemail? Sounded like I was being murdered, right?
By a pack of ravenous dildos
All that fucking tequilla made my head feel like it's inside of a body builder's asshole. He's doing squats.
so gross sitting on a warm chair at a restaurant..you just know a fat person was sitting there shoveling food into their face for hours.
But he said I was unpatriotic for not having sex with him. What was I suppose to say to that?
Did a 4 pm walk of GLORY the next day.
Randomize
