I can only date guys with blackberrys
I just decided its a new prereq to talk to me
jack dropped his pants and said "bet u've never seen a dick this big." which was really sad cuz i had never actually seen one that small...you have like pinch it between ur thumb and pointer finger to give a HJ
How much cunt could a cunt bag punch if a cunt bag could punch cunt?
She offered to make me a fruit roll up salad for breakfast...I'm not sure if that's the coolest or weirdest thing ever...
They just gave us root beer floats. I guess I won't quit my job today.
My landlord wasn't pleased about the new fire pit we built him.
Always thought my first night in jail would consist of fire and a bunny suit.
creepy tank top guy is at campus health. he's hitting on a girl recovering from a panic attack.
We went to the casino to try to earn enough money to go to new Orleans comfortably. I'm already drunk. This is a horribly immoral start to summer.
I had wine for breakfast at 6am, that's how visiting my parents went.
I was planning out a scrapbook to memorialize my affair.......and that's when it hit me, I don't make good choices. On the upside, the scrap book came out great and I am glad I saved all the gate passes from the airport.
I just threw up into a baby carriage. There was a baby in it.
To be honest, the last time I saw him he had a jesus costume on telling people to pray to his bible.
So he's at the chuch?
No, hooters.
I just got home and spray-tanned my boyfriend. That's the side of relationships they don't tell you about...
I had to ask her to let go of my cock this morning so I could go home. She just kept saying "no, please, no..."
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