its amazing how hard it is to tell vomit from stuffing the day after
She laid down on my bed and played "I want you to want me" on my laptop. subtle.
so she finally agreed to being friends with benefits. not only did I take her virginity, when I woke up, she brought me French toast made with homemade bread in bed.
I worship thee.
In other news I saw a pack of make believe zombies walking down green st.
gotta love wednesdays
do not give him the "i just had sex cake" i repeat DO NOT give him the cake. things didn't go well
I wish they'd wear their tampons on the outside. At least gimme some warning
No, man, we stole the housekeeper's key and we're just going room to room raiding mini fridges. Hurry
Logan has the vodka and snickers. We're making a run for it. Room 302
I just messaged a senior at Harvard and told him to 'tinder me softly'
Dinner at my parents is vodka, lemonade, cheese ad crackers. Why would I leave?
Back at condo with chick. What is the condom situation urgent response needed
I HAD TO TAKE A SHOT OF JAGER AND SOME REDBULL JUST TO SEE IF IT’LL MAKE MY MOUTH FEEL BETTER
I've got a surprise in the fridge when you get back.
Is it a puppy?
Could be all of this cough syrup, but I’m ready to fuck 2018 up!
Just let a guy I just met eat me out in a shed at a baby shower. May have sunk to a brand new low
After everything I’ve done… had sex with people off tinder, gone to clubs and bars, gone to hockey games…. I get Covid at GRANDMAS HOUSE
Randomize
