This martini tastes like the bartender stirred it with his foreskin.
when does it stop being whiskey dick and start just being me bad in bed?
Listen, this was just a tiny lapse of judgement.
I'm pretty sure that's not a synonym for pregnancy.
I'm currently blowing up the downstairs bathroom at work. I wish I could foursquare this.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i swear to god even though i took those meds before coming here i did not hallucinate zulema silently throwing up into a breakfast burrito
She slept with 4 other guys since we went on a break. And her ex. But apparently she hasn't given any bjs out of respect for me. Why does that comfort me?!
it was surprisingly calming to be rocked to sleep by his roommate humping on the bottom bunk
Theres a high probability there will be two hot men waiting on you in your bed when you get home for lunch.
Put some vodka in it
Its 7am
put some vodka in it
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
your ability to divide cases of beer among any given group of people equally was missed.
Is it counter productive to ride on my exercise bike with a cocktail in hand?
Blacking out is all I've done this year and we're only 3 days in. Checkmate bitch.
The cup holder in my recliner holds a whole bottle of wine. That's definitely a sign.
The good thing about country bars is that the men generally look like men. The bad thing is the country music.
I have cats now. Five of them.
Have you considered starting a global domination firm?
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