My penis is bigger than his and I don't even have a penis.
even my farts smell like vagina
he said i was chugging vodka in the parking lot, gave my # to a married man, started a food fight, and passed out at the bar. how could he NOT consider that a good first date???
You and I should start a club for people who woke up on outside on a bench with no idea how they got there.
dude,it's memorial day.not getting wasted=you're a terrorist
I lost my phone so I put sticky notes all over my roommates body asking her to wake me up at 7:00 AM.
Thursday nights need to stop happening to me.
They should have to wear some identification that warns you to stay away. Like one of those cones dogs wear to keep them from biting stitches. CONE OF SHAME.
He was puking up tons. He aimed his face inside his coat. Not a drop in my car. Then he thanked me for the ride.
Until you find your self finger banging supergirl in the middle of the dance floor while her friends are passing around for luigi mustache for a photo op, YOU HAVE NOT HIT MY LEVEL
I think I'm too tall to 69 successfully.
I think I might cry.
Whatever. That's why I am to be babied like a calf. I regret nothing.
I have stickers all over my boobs and a lump the size of china on my forehead. today has not been good.
Also he said my vagina was sculpted by gods so there must be some feelings here.
Just puked in front of a high school tour group. Based on the standing ovation, we have a solid group of freshman coming in this fall.
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