What's wrong?
Long week. Sore muscles. Bad back. Hangover. Mini-keg. Crazy ex-wife. Unavailable love-interest. Dead celebrity families. Republicans.
Pussy.
moral of the story: I'm going to stab everyone
Wouldn't pinatas filled with coke be awesome idea for cinco de mayo?
If I have to go to the hospital can we stop by the liquor store on the way?
If you get me so fucked up I can't use the microwave , I'm going to be so mad at you
I just ate powdered extacy out of my wallet. I think I might have for a second of my reasonable life been on your level.
Eight drinks in. Subject is fondling chips before eating them. Intoxicated texting has expanded from best friend to random guy I met in FBLA.
Telling the family you're going for a run, getting dressed in workout clothes, and then walking halfway around the block and smoking a joint. This is my life
There are days when you go to throw something in your bedroom trash can and realize the only things in there are a used condom, a Lime-arita can and a muffin wrapper.
He's easy on the eyes, light on his feet, and rough in bed...what more could a girl ask for in a rebound?
I want to wait until after I get laid before I ask him his political affiliation. Just in case. I'm so desperate I would bang a Republican
JUST DENIED A NEW YEARS KISS BECAUSE HE WAS A COWBOYS FAN.
don't do laundry while your drunk! i found a ketchup bottle & clothes hanger in the washer this morning!
He ate me out for an eternity. Like fell asleep, woke up, and he was still doing it.
He's making me do the dishes for the next month and half because I shit in the bath tub...
Randomize
