smoking weed is really the only logical conclusion to hangovers
It's been over a month and I still can't find the bra I wore out on new years eve.
I wish a box of wine came w a hose. It'd be so much easier to drink from.
I'm smoking a bowl and pondering why we haven't discovered teleportation again.
So my dad just walked in on me with the same girl twice in 3 nights. I told him if he wants to see her tits to adleast admit it. All he did was smirk.
Bud light lime after 12 shots of vladdy is like frolickin in a meadow of sweet flavor
After a long night of drunk sexting I have to the ninja roll at the front door to see who showed up.
You work today? I woke up with a raging boner that was whispering your name
Seriously insulted!! You can not share my dick pick with your gay brother. He won't quit poking me on fb
They live across the street from a school baseball field so they have porter potties across the street and let's just say that I'm grateful they exist
im drinking out of a pineapple, so yea.
WHY THE FUCK DID I HAVE TO FALL IN LOVE WITH A CONVICT
Let's be honest, college orientation is going to be "here's how to drink everclear"
I just spent 30 minutes plucking my 2 month grown out pubes with tweezers so I’m hope your night is going better than mine
I just sharted for the first time in my life. Age 33. Lying in bed. Sober. 2021 is off to a great start!
Randomize
