I just woke up in bed with 4 girls. Either i dont remember the best night of my life or they think im gay.
Last night i was gna tell u about how i was watching project runway & how i was upset bc they replaced tim gunn & heidi klum. but then i realized that i was watching mythbusters.
True life - we need to smoke together more often
Give me a heads up the next time you BBM me a voicenote of you cumming so I'll make sure not to play it while in the car with my parents. Miss you too.
You should ask if we are margaritasing tomorrow. and yes i did just turn that into a verb
Our adventure is going to pick up his pipe and weed that he ditched when he got pulled over the other day.
HOT DATE.
Package from mother. Contents: Cookies, my old pokemon cards, and condoms. Note: "These have a July 2010 expiration date so give them away or use them with a gal that would be a great daughter in law. Love Mom" Love you too momma
Come find me please? Im in a ditch.
That doesn't help me much...
I'm right under the moon!
I know its been a few months but you must know you hve the 2nd biggest dick I've ever seen. 1st place went to a rapper so don't feel bad.
He talked to you for like two seconds while you were shit faced doing Forest Gump impressions...how is that possible?
Eight drinks in. Subject is fondling chips before eating them. Intoxicated texting has expanded from best friend to random guy I met in FBLA.
Oh my god he's laying on a longboard singing the song from cool runnings.
If there was a bread and water delivery truck id make sweet hungover love with it.
I gave him a blowjob to kill bill. 2 of my favorite things.
A girl just managed to steal a whole gallon of ice cream. I'm letting her go because that is impressive.
I just woke up, its 6AM and i'm pretty sure the guy passed out next to me is 70% ugly...
Randomize
