This random guy asked me if I had downs. I was like up yours! And I got out of his car.
you got in your car and made the sounds of a NASCAR, then called me on your phone and I was your pit crew. then you apparently you won the race, and THAT'S when you tried to backflip off the top of your car.
I just took a dump by candlelight. I feel like a pilgrim.
tonight's goal was "most regrettable decision" and you bring wine coolers?
after we finished, she said she had been a backup performer for Cirque du Soleil. THAT flexible.
Weddings at vineyards should never be allowed to happen. I'm pretty sure I drank every bottle they produced in 2008.
you read me verses from the beginners bible until my answering machine finally ran out of time and cut you off.
The Fresno prostitute seemed offended all I wanted from her was directions back to the freeway.
Just seen a lady with the back of her head shaved and the rest of her hair in a pony tail like a sumo wrestler with a 6 inch glass dolphin hair clip. Nothing is going to ruin my day.
Have you ever chugged beers in the hospital parking garage with your mom?
See, thats where im at with my life, welcome to the slut yaht we will be cruising comfortably all summer at an extremely drunken relaxing pace S.S. Slut Bucket
Pizza and koolaid didn't even make me feel better. This hangover means business
I just sneezed glitter I JUST SNEEZED G LITTER I j u st SneeZED GLIT TER I DO NOT HAVE TIME FOR THIS AT ALL.
He called me khaleesi while I rode his dick. He wins
We aren't doing Shrooms tonight bc that would be friendship cheating on you
Randomize
