Why is my head in the toilet this morning but there is vomit behind the toilet
Don't worry I'll hold the wheel while you cum
I don't understand how anyone could look at him and think, 'Yeah, that's a good idea.'
Good news.. I found out what I did Saturday night. Bad news... I found out what I did Saturday night.
im gonna make a bucket list just so i can cross off "underwater blowjob"
He just asked me if I wanted a ride on the "bologna pony." I never wanna have sex again...
You screamed 'no, YOU put some pants on' at a cop. I pretended not to know you.
Already at the river; already getting fucked up. And yes that semicolon is legit because those are congruent statemests
i made the walk of shame wearing her booty shorts that said juicy on the back. i'm still counting it as a good night
Didn't have the heart to tell him that while he was eating my ass I was laughing, not moaning, into the pillow
I am lonely and hungry. I need a girlfriend, but I'd settle for my mom.
I'm sorry that running around town like a frenetic wombat trying to find you KY jelly isn't good enough for you.
Those nachos came to me in a dream
I'm sorry I threw a frog in your car last night.
Few clarical questions about last night: 1. How did we get home? 2. Am I wearing your underwear? 3. Where is Andrea? 4. Guy with nose ring last night hot?
1. You tried hitch hiking "like a pro" and flashed cars while sticking out your thumb until I called Michael. 2. I don't know but probably. 3. Who is Andrea? 4. Hot.
Randomize
