I took Valium worth by frank. I squabble
Li shadha you vin. It's phot out. I just ate a fried Oreo
So...we accidentally left a bag of puke in your sister's room. Heads up.
so i texed my mom when i was trashed last night and said "i know its 3 am, just go to bed and i'll be back by the time we leave for the airport"
sometimes i wish i was able to text my cat and tell him i miss him and that i'm thinking about him
This ain't no lie cnn says sonny n cher's dtr chastity is going to have sex reassignment surgery to become a man named chaz
Not surprised. I always thought Cher was a very passable post op transexual.
Found a Safeway Deli Sandwich in the shower this morning... Perhaps the 9th beer was unnecessary.
They just kept handing me shots and saying welcome to college
by 11 am we'd already been drunk twice. how much lower can you go?
sorry bout that man. went out to pay the pizza boy, ended up hooking up with some random drunk girl that thought i was someone else
I'm in Starbucks carrying the boxes wine and the hubcap. So many judging looks.
He gave me one look and told me I'm not allowed to board the plane if I'm still as drunk by departure time.
The smell came through my closed door. His farts are made of rendered tires, and apparently, ghosts.
Let's hurry up so I can puke at home instead of my van
JUST BECAUSE I LIKE TO BE TIED UP AND SPANKED DOESNT MEAN IM GOING TO LIKE TO BE TIED UP AND SPANKED AT WORK
Very interesting. Let's just say I got home last night and threw up, found a joint in my bra, and woke up naked in my bed
Randomize
