Hey its my first time.
I think you mean "it's my first time"
Do you ever just think "I could really go for a good 30 minute blowjob". I do. Everytime jill smiles.
Before he took off his pants he paused and said, "Remember..sometimes great things come in small packages."
hey im home...im not sure how this mcdonalds got here but whatever im gonna eat it anyway.
You were chewing up hot dogs and spitting them out
Just found a 7-11 receipt for new years eve at 1:30 am apparently we felt the need to buy three jars of pickles and a gallon of milk does this ring any bells?
My econ prof just gave me a shot glass because I was the "randomly picked" winner of the lecture. Ties into our supply and demand lecture, supplied with a shot glass, demand a thirsty thursday
I passed out drunk and Jane had created a picnic on my chest. I had chips and a hamburger laid out on my boobs. The only reason I woke up is she was trying to feed me too.
I was just handed a bible on my walk of shame....are you there god? its tequila tuesday's hangover
Last night you told me you "were too high" and didn't deserve a hashbrown.
He stopped his car in the middle of ongoing traffic to ask me to marry him. Then he got pulled over. Yeah I'd say the slutty Dallas Cowboys costume was a success.
Your hotness may or may not have landed him in jail.
Well you ended up trying to convince two Greek girls that you were Greek, but failed massively by shouting at them in Spanish, and then almost vomiting after taking way too much snuff. Maybe lay off the guinness next time?
He interrupted me giving him head to ask if I were hungry, because he wanted to eat pizza. Wtf.
I left him on his mom's lawn after he passed out in my lap and told me my vagina smells like flowers. Couple of the year award
Grabbed the cop's ass and he still arrested Heather instead. Victory is mine!!
Randomize
