Just made ouyt with a dude on the real wporld...I said I dont want my face blired out
Best text conversation ever. Other than the one we had about using blood for lube.
She said "I only hook up with guys I'm dating"
So... What happend then?
We dated for an hour, i broke up with her after. BOOM.
We stole your phone last night, texted your brother and told him you wanted it up the ass by him. All he said was "I want ur money."
Chasing tequila with honey. Ill let you know how it turns out.
Apparently the cops have a video of me singing bob seger "Night moves".
What sexual position says im sorry for your loss?
Apparently you can coat check a keg.
You know you're old when tea and a hot bath are more appealing than beer pong with lesbians.
I just licked a piece of cheese off my phone screen if that makes you feel any better
I kind of really want to call off the engagement but I kind of need his mom's mashed potatoes on thanksgiving so I'm between a rock & a hard place here
I told my dad that he was in a band and he was all like " good job" and then he looked up the band and listened to their music and just went " oh have you disappointed me"
Holy fuck, my entire boob is bruised! Lierally my boob is just one big bruise.
the good news is I finally used my captain america waffle maker to make captain america waffles
Hey I didn't mean to come across like I was judging you about your liberal sexual choices. I would like details of your threesome if you need to talk about it!
Randomize