And now his mom knows I was dipping my pen in company ink
The mall is playing a fucking country mix of lady marmalade.
welcome to maine.
You know how I told you I don't have many naked pics? Apparently that changed last night.
Best moment of my life. I just got a text from some random number that said i can't wait to touch you. Her name is kiara and she had the wrong number.
Thank you for holding my vodka while the police let me ride their horse.
So there is a chick dressed up in a vagina costume handing out free condoms next to the dude handing out free Bibles and preaching about sin. I love college.
Over it. He probably jacked off to bible verses last night. I don't want that
Just got blown whilst getting my high score on bejeweled blitz. There's still a month and a half left of summer and my bucket list is empty...
I feel like somehow my uterus ended up in my ribcage from all the keg stands i did last night..
the guy in the stall next to me, came in, farted, laughed, and proceeded to give himself some sort of hillbilly pep talk that included the phrase "big pussy".
Your dress got me laid by one of Obama's Secret Service members. Patriotic duty, check.
i just want things to go smoothly
oh they won't lmao
What. The. Fuck.
You'll have to be more specific. I do a lot of "what the fuck" kind of stuff
It's a weird kind of sexy when a guy has a bunkbed with his roommate
He agreed to matching Christmas pajamas today, no guy does that for a girl he’s not seriously considering marrying.
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