Your date looks like the Cloverfield monster. good luck.
he told me i looked like an animal then proceeded to kiss me
It was like a spaceship landed and 1000s of hipsters filled up the park
high people should be assigned attendants
5 Four Lokos being cheaper than a case should be illegal.
you two started sword fighting with 3 ft tall spruce trees you pulled out of planters
I can't see straight with both eyes and ive only been at the bar for an hour. Someone else typed this for me.
It's 6 am and I've spent the last few hours searching for a cork screw or suitable substitute. You had none. Incidentally, I finally opened this bottle of wine, but owe you a new meat sticky thing with those two prongs. Sobriety is not good for me. Or your utensils.
Theres a midget tsa agent. Just an observation
There is a glee sing along. It's on random and they know them all. Like, the specific glee timings and pauses. I need to leave. I need to escape
Just got kicked out of two hot tubs. We were naked the second time. So awkward getting out in front of the security guard.
Also, beer. Big fan.
My dad found my bra hanging from my rear view mirror. Happy long weekend.
at one point while they were drilling into my jaw I just remember thinking "will I ever be able to suck dick again"
I’m going to cut back. New Year, New Me
I would never wish less dick on anyone but do what you gotta do
Randomize
