she gave me a disgusted look and asked how i could live with myself. because i havent seen the rocky horror picture show. and then dumped me.
She started doing push ups and calling me a pussy. Never set me up with your ROTC friends again.
You tried to convince our cab driver that your $2 bill was worth $11.70
He still lectured me about forgetting shit. Than he said he's gonna paint me green so I can stand in a corner and be a plant.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm pretty sure I have a cold now from having sex on the hood of my car in the rain. Worth it? Absolutely.
I can't tell which way is up. Too many corners around his house too. An arbitary assimilation of edges.
Christ, I swear you are the high man's Dr. Seuss.
I just realized I consumed seven different types of alcohol this weekend. And I'm only counting jungle juice as one of those. How the fuck did I not die?
Some girl dressed in nothing but Wonder Woman underwear and a cape on her ass just started twerking all over us. Remind me why I'd never been to a midnight of Rocky horror before?
Odd start to the day - the FBI just showed up at my apartment.
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If I don't quit picking up guys when I'm drunk, I'm going to need a vagina transplant.
Puked in the trash can. Took a bite of someone's breadstick and kept dancing and drinking
Don’t worry I was with my ex husband for 10 years and he could never remember the year I was born, when our dating anniversary was or what year I graduated high school. But I still know that mother fuckers SSN lol
The fact that a spice girls song is stuck in my head is a great sign that my decisions aren't the right ones at the moment...
Dude no i feel my liver disintegrating
Just got an exam care package consisting of only adderall wrapped in money. Score one for mom.
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