I got my nipple pierced! I love it so much!
Well, there goes breastfeeding.
This morning my doorman told me it was an accomplishment for me to be standing and conscious after last night.
First day at work... I clogged up the office toilet on purpose to assert my dominance.
just snorted lines off a mancala board. I'm destined to win this game.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Reason #57 I am going to fail the bar... it's Tuesday and i'm drunk at Toy Story 3.
this is probably the only time in my life that i would want to fuck thomas jefferson
Some chick is drunk waving down a taxi with a slice of pizza.
I'm sitting at work trying to dust glitter off my pants. I can't hang out with her anymore.
I CAN ONLY BE THE BIRDIE ON YOUR SHOULDER WHO LEADS YOU INTO BAD DESCISIONS
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Remind me to tell you the story of the fuzzy condom
Sorry my phone died because I decided charging my vibrator was way more important
Omg cinnamon bun Oreos. Thanks weed
there is a naked boy in my bed & you just need to kick him out because i do NOT want to see him when i'm sober.
People don't believe me when I say the bruises are from work. They just smile and say "right." Trust me, I WISH my sex life was that exciting.
i dont know how or why im in the gym right now, but theres a hot cop, a guy i hook up with, and his hot friend. this can only lead to every fantasy i ever had.
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