; Think of how many worthless people would b non existant if there was no liquor so their parents never hooked up
She thought I was gay, so I told her I'd be more comfortable with anal. She agreed.
she told me i should dip my dick in chocolate and then let her blow me since it was her 2 favorite things. weird or my new valentine for this year?
My room should be renamed "Land of the Misfit Condoms."
Dear drunk me, don't shave my balls til you're sober. My junk looks like a pomeranian with mange.
Miss Michigan hasn't even been Miss USA for 24hrs and already stripper pole pics are surfacing. Classy.
can we change the rule from "no one is ugly after 2 am" to 1130 so i can justify last night
I dont feel as bad coming home this baked because I gave my 14 year old sister a no drugs talk last night.
I sent him pictures of just me in my thong and he replied "you're so sweet, you make me feel special <3".... Oh.
its cute though when you google his name more than one mug shot comes up from different states
I do have a life. It just consists of making scarves and chesse straws now
I text him "Dude. Tryna get fucked here. I only have half the parts. I need your help" I'm sure my mom would be super proud of the woman I have become.
In other news, I just burned my penis
Hmm, peanut butter and Xanax. Next Ben and Jerry's flavor.
Pretty sure I'm partying in a onesie right now.
Randomize
