miscarriage! now THATS a gift from god.
I woke up face first on my living room floor arms outstretched toward the christmas tree
no where in the syllabus does it say "no alcoholic beverages allowed".
maybe next time you shouldn't be drinking alone watching intervention at 3 am and no one would think you needed an intervention.
When were having sex he was mumbling some guys name. If he wasn't as hot as he is I'd be concerned.
She's a virgin AND a minister's daughter. We're one schoolgirl outfit from the dear penthouse trifecta
I five year old is judging me because I just opened a bottle of Sam Adams with my teeth before 8am
Sounds good! I plan on writing a book entitled: I've Probably Done Cocaine In Your Bathroom. A tell-all by Lauren.
Your couch is like an animal shelter for stray drunks.
I put you to bed and you would not go unless I let you sleep with the vodka
I'm gonna try Jim's breakup remedy this weekend.
Is that the one where you drink 3 cases of beer and rewatch as much WWE RAW as you can find? Or the one where you hookup with fatties on Craigslist?
What's the world record for number of orgasms reached on ones birthday? Asking for a friend.
The cops high fived after they tackled you
he was snoring so I have him a bj to wake him up and then told him he had to leave.
Is it acceptable to bring pot to a funeral or am I going to have to do this shit sober?
Randomize
