it doesn't get any better than taco bell and soft core porn
Correct me if I'm wrong but the photo album titles "cause I've been drankin" and "baby jessica" should not belong to the same person.
i just realized that im half way to my goal of puking in every single toilet on our floor
i woke up wearing her shoes. this night isn't going on my highlight reel
I AM HAVING A WEIRD OUT OF BODY EXPERIENCE. IN CAPS LOCK.
She looked at my cock with a kind of resigned disappointment.
Woke up to a break up text for a facebook relationship I didn't even know I was in... 2012 is going to be a good year
By the way seagulls wings are very soft. And the lesbian and or by sexual twins say hello. Be home in the little bit time frame.
Because its Monday... And I'm determined to just be drunk for the rest of the semester
He held the beaver pelt from the fireplace over my crotch and asked his friend "she look familiar now?", he then remembered my name.
okay - we take $20 and buy each other some 'drink till we puke' clothes from the thrift store.
I'm sorry I came to your house drunk and fed pizza to your dog.
On second thought, is it weird that I scheduled a surgery that determines my fertility around lingerie football night? I might have fucked up priorities.
Absolutely not. I would have done the exact same thing.
ARTHUR IS ON FUCKING NETFLIX THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
I still can't believe I was army crawling thru his backyard at 2am..
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