I had a dream last night that we were eating cake at Mercy...hahaha. I'm furious I didn't see you.
i want to be waterboarded, just to see what all the fuss is about
Jesus was obviously not given an itemized list of your sins before he died for them
I just projectile vomited in a Methodist church parking lot. If Jesus didn't love me before he sure as hell doesn't now.
he told me my hair look so beautiful and as he was stroking it his fingers got caught in my BUMPIT. How are you supposed to explain that one?
You kept telling that ginger girl, "it's not your fault, it's not your fault, it's not your fault."
My biggest accomplishment thus far this summer is having sex 5 weeks after hip surgery.
Bro... You handed me an ice cube from your drink and said "tell me if it tastes like pickles".
Let me begin to explain the rest of last night by beginning with saying that out if necessity I took a pair of your underwear
I tried to break it off with the married one. He offered to pay off my car.
The side bitch struggle is real.
My boss just lit a candle and said a prayer to get laid tonight ..
ok give me a pep talk, I want a hotdog but I'm too stoned to go make it
I went to smoke a bowl and realized that my lighter is out and there's still frozen blueberries in my bong... I need to reevaluate my life...
i sent him a picture of his friend's dick and told him he should really stop thinking he's my only option.
It's a shame I've been hooking up with him for 6 months and he still doesn't know my real name.
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