Dude, I just rear-ended a cab
Are you drunk?
A little...yes
Run!
Terrible brother advice.
am i morally bankrupt?
no. its just the recession
i told him i was gay. he said that gay guys are supposed to be pretty.
I wish you wouldn't refer to your breast milk as "ammunition"
Just saw an Asian kid crash into the bike rack with his bike. I love sitting outside the engineering building.
I just witnessed Grandma making her infamous daiquiris. Extraordinary.
he went up stairs with nothing on but calvin klein's and an eskimo hat, said hi to her dad, got a doughnut, and left like it was an everyday thing
I woke up to find a bottle of Bacardi in my shower rack. How was your night?
But for real though. That weed tastes like the jolly laughter of Santa Claus.
Today I had sex and flossed at the same time. My relationship goals have been exceeded.
My ex's psycho new girlfriend found my vibrator I forgot at his place. Apparently she didn't find it as funny as I did. 😂
But he was still all, "YOU TEXTED TONY WHILE YOU WERE GETTING FUCKED?!" Like THAT was the weird part.
dude i haven't had a solid dump since sunday and i still cant hear out of my right ear
You just can't go back to being friends with someone after you sucked their balls
Is it wrong to want to use the Dark Web to buy Vyvance for legitimate purposes?
Randomize
