I had a good time, probably would have a bigger headache today if you were in town.
I feel like a panda just shit rainbows on my mind
If there's anything in this world better than hotboxing in the rain I haven't found it yet.
Agreed
She swallowed my jizz and then took a shot of jack daniels and said "chaser." This cant be real life.
Fell in the ditch running from the pizza guy I stole the pizza from. If you are still at my house come find me, pretty sure I need stitches.
make sure nobody uses the downstairs toilet. i like to have an unused toilet for the weekends. dont shit where you puke i always say.
Leaving someone plastered on a corner at 3am telling them to just scream for cock is NOT being a good wingman.
I have six drafts of messages to you that just say "blood" and I have no idea where they came from.
Where are you, who is in my bed, why is he wearing a spandex onesie as underwear, how did i get teethmarks on my forehead, what are we doing tonight?
What does puking wasabi feel like?
Like snorting cocaine backwards.
Based on the grey fur I pulled from my teeth, I think her vagina has mice.
This strange Italian man told me he wants to take me for ice cream and kept calling me "tomato" from tinder
See I insist I'm not a groupie and then I say things like "will bang for a backstage pass".
I was at his place until 2am. We just sat really close an stared at each other. I think you are right. Germans must not have feelings. Not even tingly ones in their pants.
Hey I had a great night last night but I don't want to lie to you I'm only 19 and that wasn't my place its was my cousin he's gone for the summer and I was just house sitting and watching his cat I'm sorry
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