I'm drinking till I'm someone else's problem
i woke up today to a handjob from this really fat girl that keeps calling me michael phelps
then he said "your boobs looked so much bigger on girls gone wild"
I forgot about that,good spring break.
He got tattooed, peirced, and we're pretty sure he got rufeed by that fat chick. He was like a walking spring break stereotype.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I've never seen a grown man cry so much after getting jerked off by a stripper. I say it's the best $600 he ever spent.
there COULD be a gas leak in our house... proceeding to smoke with extreme caution...
I just invented spray cheese vodka. tastes real nasty but does the trick.
Just had the best random sex ever with a girl I picked up from a pro choice rally uptown. God bless the Democratic National Convention.
I went eBay shopping last night. Turns out I brought a Viking drinking horn. I can't even be mad.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You said "I'm not gonna waste my last condom on you" last night.
Hi. Tara tells me your sandwiches and stamina are substantial
I was so drunk at your wedding that Uber is now showing up in my Spotify recent searches.
wish he had known he had poison ivy on his cock beforehand... Is calamine okay to put on your vag?..
I have to start drinking water I have a drug test to fail at 1:40
Dude, running 15 min late.
Let's play a game, you pay for all the drinks I can finish before you get here. Go.
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