just because you dressed up as a brontosaurus doesn't mean you can poop in my yard and roar at my neighbors
There's a show on the Discovery Channel about T-Rex sex. I think this just made my life.
I had never watched a guy jack off to me before, but let me tell you, it was a very uncomfortable experience.
I know I said I was done dating 22 year olds but it's not my fault all the guys my age gave up on life and got fat
I'm considering telling her about my dream where I made a sex tape with her boyfriend. you know to test our friendship
thank you TLC waking up to a water birth on tv really put the cherry on top of my hangover...
I don't remember you taking the condom off last night. Did you just walk home in it ?
Do you know what your brother wants for his birthday?
Yeah he said he wants a decent blowjob for a change.
.......
I'm just looking out for you.
Dude she let me install handle bars on her headboard. I should have nailed my boss years ago.
Shaving my legs with an ankle monitor on is surprisingly more difficult than the drunk driving that got me here
This girl ordered Hershey syrup and red wine and he made it for her
I gave the bike taxi guy a blowjob because I didn't have any cash. College.
i am no longer ashamed when i walk into the dining hall for sunday brunch and i'm greeted with applause for suriving my weekend
should i feel bad about fucking you on my front lawn the day before you set me up with your best friend?
Someone signed my nipple.
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