thanks...oh and i got my period
told you
oh hush
Are they still out there making out on the couch? How can we get them to leave?
I 'm gonna go stand naked in the kitchen with a knife
John tries to set me up, and she has 1 arm. I'm a nice guy, but 2 arms is kinda a requirement
And then he asked me why the subtitles were in Arabic. The television was off.
he recorded me cumming with the t-pain app on his iphone
I just want to apologize for screaming when I saw you the other day. It's just that you looked really gross and I was high.
Hurricane Earl: Get Blown party at my house friday! Byob: bring your own bitch/booze. Must have 80s blown hair style, kazoo/noise maker (vuvuzelas/airhorns are allowed), and/or bubble wands. \n
Why am I even shocked you're doing this....
just saw someone whip out a flask during lecture... I think I found a study partner
Although last time you were unsure about someone they flipped a golf cart on me.
so when our kids ask "when did you know you loved mommy?" you're gonna say "when she sent me emoticons about slobbing on my knob?"
He cannot be your sugar daddy. He looks like a literal hot dog.
You have a husband. I have a bag full of electronics. This, is the single life.
And somehow i feel like your expectations will turn out to be illegal in some way.
I should probably add her on Facebook for as much as I cheat off her in Physics, huh?
a day off where I don’t get laid would be worthless
Randomize
