Cut to me doing the walk of shame to work from a hotel.
Your the only friend that would realize I'm gonna get drunk and send coke to me at a bar before I made drunken phone calls for it. You sir complete me.....
Agreed. And i highly doubt it could be awkward. You do remember our introduction was a direct result of you mentioning your affinity for my genitals, right?
Is "incoherent" a legit goal to strive for tonight? Or should I stay sober enough to fuck who I can?
He's single. I'm single. We should rekindle our eighth grade romance over a box of wine and carefree sex.
Fell down the metal stairs and some guy tried to fight me after you left. I fell asleep with cadbury eggs in my mouth too.
Oh thank Jesus fuck for my shitty infertile womb. Crisis averted
There should be a rule. If your dick is under 6 inches, you are not allowed to dress as Thor.
I just took the soggiest of beer shits and all i have to eat is shredded cheese and more beer. I need an adult.
Fuck you asshole. You cost me cheerleader pussy.
They weren't kidding when they said "Go Army Strong." Best sex I ever had.
you were so drunk that when the mouse on your laptop didnt work anymore you decided to just take it into the bathroom and pee on it while laughing like a mad scientist.
Rarely does a man I fucked with upgrade from me
I am still worried she'll have a seizure durring. What would I do? Try to ride it out and finish, or pull out and assist?
We won like $80 last night at the casino, so if we get the Plan B we still have enough to get your basic bitch latte from Dunkin. Calm down.
Randomize
