I have a new reason to go to work: I can tell which 3 of my coworkers are sisters just by looking at their butts.
My mom is getting really tired of hearing the excuse 'it's 5 oclock somewhere'
MTV Made just made me cry. Where have all of my life goals gone?
don't think this is any sort of attachment thing but if I'm going to throw up regularly at your house, I'm going to keep a tooth brush there
She just rubbed her face all over pool chalk. I feel like it's time to go
Important info for allergy season. An orgasm will unblock stuffy sinuses.
I'll make a Jello mold of your face so everyone can get drunk off your face
She had me dip my balls in cake batter ice cream from cold stone and then tea bag her. Let's get weird just got a whole new meaning.
It's just one of those nights that , as long as you have the drugs, everything is going to be alright.
hey your mom heard me say to her " That right your not going to Shit right for a month"
Going to an AA meeting just so I can fuck him...That's dedication
I drank so much that my feet don't feel like my feet
He's not very smart so he didn't know I was yelling at him with monologues from Scandal.
whoa whoa whoa, you're saying I shouldn't post pics of you balls deep in a southern hottie?
I melted cheese on my pizza rolls. When I die make sure someone melts cheese on my rolls.
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