She's in the bathroom crying cuz she can't get the condom out of her giner. Do you have tongs?
i bet even starving children in Africa take the crust off their poptarts
Too much gin, very little bucket
I'm so hungover, I actually considered rolling down the stairs to avoid walking.
worse things have happened to me. but if it will make you feel better you can pay for my therapist sessions next week.
Theres a dude at this concert at the urinal double fisting beers, taking drinks from both while simultaneously pissing euerywhere. He is my hero
I'm getting very mixed reviews. One friend told me to stop drinking bc the last 3 times he's heard from me I've either peed my pants, been throwing up, or people have been having sex beside me.
Strangely enough I'm encouraging you to keep drinking for all the same reasons.
OH YEAH AND FORGOT TO THANK YOU FOR THE lack of WARNING THAT HE WASN'T CIRCUMSIZED.
How dare you. Idk what you called me, and neither does google translate, but you better take it back.
Yo plow her in the living room were all outside tommy wants to see
May the one with the liver that just won't quit win
7:26 bus just came. I am sweatier than Louie Anderson eating chili in a sauna
we got stoned then he started showing me how to make his penis look like a hamburger...if that's not true love idk what love is
I solemnly swear to help bail you out of jail when you throw a dildo at a politician.
I dunno that I'd be trusting enough of junkyard tequila to drink it.
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