oh good, I think they're gone
the painters?
my herpes
all I remember was being half naked drinking water on my hands and knees from her dogs water bowl.
if someoen knew that someone accidentally drunkly kissed your boyfriend would you want them to tell you/?
followup question: what if both somones were me?
Planet Earth isn't gonna get stoned and watch itself.
there is a priest convention in the hotel. i feel like god is laughing at me.
The weird kid in front of me is reading an article titled "why don't i have a girlfriend?" the article then continues to talk about the mathematical equation for obtaining a girlfriend. exhibit a of why he is single
Just had a nice conversation with my landlord while cleaning your puke off my car
What can I say? When alcohol is my motivation, I can move mountains.
you were stumbling down richmond carrying a girl in a nurse costume. its not even halloween dude
She gave me what I will now dub a "hurricane sandy". Loud, wet and sloppy BJ that made me want to stay home and complain about shit on the Internet
be warned: you might find a baby hampster in my bra
I've found my spirit animal. I'm a Snapple bottle. If you take my top off I'll tell you a fact about science.
After an hour of searching for my pants, we had three people looking. They were finally found in the oven.
He kept saying "Welcome to Indianapolis" over and over while we were having sex...because that's his hometown. I was scared and confused... I didn't know if I should have said thank you or what.
Good Morning! You are sterile right?
Randomize
