So my shaver died while I was trimming...ya know. And now it is half way done. I don't think there's currently any aesthetic in keeping it this way...
We need to have an Itty-Bitty Titty Committee mtg somewhere in the range of 5 minutes to ASAP.
I didn't cheat on him. Cheating means finding out. I made sure he was at work first. After the guy left I got shitfaced just so nothing seemed out of the ordinary when he came home.
Oh wait looks like my cousin is getting deported THERE'S HOPE FOR THIS CHRISTMAS YET
Have you ever noticed that the cities in car commercials look really futuristic?
...did you eat that brownie?
just saw a sign in the bar that says "no more naked fridays". Where the fuck was I on these naked fridays?
First sex of the summer I'm winning 1-0
GET HOME NOW
Oh shit
Well I walked the wrong way for a little bit and I don't remember if I fell asleep or not but I definitely laid down under the over pass for a while
Blowing a married man is so much more important than a 12 year olds basketball game.
when i woke up with 300+ messages I didn't except them to be about coyotes and burning shoes.
Well I mean I HAD done a pretty good job of not pooping myself through the years
I saved a sauce packet from taco bell that said "Free me" to use in my next break up.
No we didn't talk. I was high and doing naked yoga in the living room when she walked in so it was just awkward. I didn't even know my dad had a girlfriend.
Never underestimate the power of titties
And then he peed in my hair
Randomize
