My foreign exchange student got here today. I turned on man vs. food and told her that "this is all you need to know about America."
you only had a canadian ten, but you said it was all good cuz you would just by molson.
he peed everywhere. it's like having a puppy.
I'm not sure what happened last night, but I have someone stored in my phone as 'Aftershock'
you tipped EVERY employee at white castle
Walked into a liquor store bleeding. That kind of night.
When the tupperware hit the highway it was like a vomit bomb
I had such a pleasant walk of shame. The sun was shining, I smiled at all the high school suckers who judged me on their way to school, and I made friends with an old guy and his dog.
Last time we had a party like that I woke up naked on the pool table with a chalk outline around me and a empty bottle of jager duct taped to my hand.
Yea. I'm excited about this party too
What part of "he tried to put his dick in my ear" did you not understand??
He got naked and made a run for the door so I had to stop him.
I just had sex on my kitchen counter. It's like the American dream
Look, all I'm saying is that you're going to be a great Vodka Mom.
We were literally making dick jokes with his dick out
That’s the level of friends with benefits I aspire to achieve
I put him in the supply closet, used the copy paper to build a fort around him and his wheelchair, then he fucked me in the fort.
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