apparently i tried to put my coat in the microwave.
the cop asked for your social security number and you gave her your high school locker combo
Semi hypothetical question. Do you think its physically possible to bruise your clit?
Umm. Any where really. Alcohol and boobs. Those are the requirements.
There needs to be waaaay more alcohol in my apartment if I am going to survive being unemployed
Well no need to be a stranger, even if you aren't interested in joining my bisexual polygamist marriage. New city, new friends.
I feel like I owe it to them to wear pants.
I transported a midget tonight. He got beat up by another, midgetier midget. Is it bad that this is what makes me feel compassion after 15 years of being a paramedic?
Midgetier?
Smaller, yet meaner.
Ohhh,that's true. Babies are only fun when you're high. Otherwise, they're the worst kind of people.
Don't feel bad, we're professionals and we just housed burgers in burger king singing I believe I can fly
Its funny that for once I get home and I'm just as high as my parents are.
Owwwww. Yeah. I can barely move unless Im high on vicodin. We are bad at drinking/balancing. We will be the first to break hips and have to go into a home.
My heart wants him and my vagina wants him...to have a bigger dick.
Do you know anyone else that comes home with unexplainable injuries as many nights a week as we do?
Can you get winded from lip syncing? I don't know how Britney does it
Randomize
