smoked weed with Joakim Noah last night....if he was half as fast to the basket as he is to grab a joint from me we'd have another championship on our hands
and after you realized your puke was bright blue, you started crying hysterically and screaming, "I DON'T WANT TO BE A SMURF!" no more uv blue for you.
they made me velveta mac and cheese and fish. I wanna stay here the rest of my life
mom and dad sent me an easter basket full of beer pong supplies again.
searching my car for your cum before I have to give my grandma a ride to the airport. Thanks for this
After seeing how much you are able to funnel in a night, I am 90% sure your blood is pure gin.
I went down on her for 35 minutes and didn't even get a handy. I've never felt more desire to be gay in my life.
You can't tell me you've honestly NEVER considered smoking a Froot Loop
I found your Halloween costume. I think you shit yourself last night
Dad was on the deck drinking straight bourbon. He stopped, puked on his feet, and then continued drinking and talking about compound interest.
I would have been very attracted to her had she not been reading me my Miranda Rights
Thank you for caring about my cervix.
Nothing says summer like lemonaid, but nothing says fuck yeah summer like lemonaid and vodkavodka
ORGASMS AND PIZZA
PIZZA AND ORGASMS
I just came rly close to telling a dude that I want to chew on him and there should be an oil painting of his ass up in the louvre before I realized that isn't how flirting is supposed to go
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