I know its small, but please -- stop calling it my "weenis".
I asked what she wanted from Hawaii. She said a baby like Aaden from JK 8.
where am I supposed to find one of those?
i screwed him while his gf was puking in the shower. 2011 is looking up already
i walked in on you eating. you had the fridge wide open and you were rotating between steak and handfuls of captain crunch.
It was awesome explaining why I had a tiger with boxers in my bed, a little bit drunk, to a girl in a pre-sex moment
I'll probably regret it tomorrow. But right now, accepting this $2000 credit card so that I can finance booty calls from across the united states sounds like a golden idea.
My vagina can tell he is in a metal band. I dont know if I can sit down.
Dude he was freaking out because he thought he was walking on crates, and he just kept saying help me
Come in your red robin gear. If you smell like French fries we can make love.
My most recent midlife crisis involved eating a doughnut in 30 seconds but taking 5 minutes to do half a shot of whiskey, then deciding I wasn't going to finish it.
Until you can top getting paid to have women tell you to check out their ass, my job will remain better than yours
I have a black eye again and dont know why again
I woke up at 5am on my couch, naked, with a cereal bowl of water next to me. Apprently, drunk me thought I was a kitten last night. Super impressed I slept next to the bowl all night and didn't spill a drop.
Shut up. I hate you. We're doing shots tomorrow. Fuck the consequences.
I just found out how I got home last night. The bartenders found me sitting in the brush peeing and called me a cab. Have you seen my underwear?
Randomize
