if you don't go to jail tommorow I'll buy you a 40. Motivation.
I jerked off enough times today to safely commit to the fact that im not getting laid tonight
Honestly, It follows the same rules as Cock Roulette.
The way I'm gonna look at it is, if you don't makeout with your roommate once in college, you didn't do something right.
I fell into his fridge. I want to leave.
He kept telling me Te Amo last night. Over and over. And that he was scared. Drunkenly. In Spanish.
He pointed at me, then leaned in and said "shes the best at blow jobs" then chris fist pumped him and said "dude, I know"
Three months into our sexual relationship, he comes out with "Your body is efficient". WTF do I do with THAT?
He was telling me about how he's leaving on his Mission next week... While we were having sex in the back of his car.
He looks like an accountant with a secret kinky candy filled center.
I don't want my vagina anymore.
The awkward moment when you're leaving the most attractive guy you've ever been with and you're trying not to shit on yourself. Fucking welcome to my life
Can u pick up some lemons on the way? I have Tequila and a sore throat..I need them for both
It was a successful conference for my sales and my sex life. Those are probably related
I feel like 20 angels jizzed in my mouth. This cupcake is DELICIOUS!
Randomize
