i have it on good authority that she is not as good at giving head as she claims she is
I drank so much Goldschläger last night, I could shit a necklace.
Don't leave without me in the morning. I keep scaring everyone cause I'm sleeping in the bathtub.
He told me he wanted to break up so he could get "closer to God."
Does God suck his dick?
Why is there a frozen condom filled with water in my freezer?
You guys can't keep having sex with them and cleaning their house! They're never going to take you seriously!
It's official, there's a sex tape of me floating around some high school
I am dressed. And we didn't do anything. He's gorgeous and tall tho. Something nice to look at when I'm hungover
The guy had great intentions when throwing us free beer off the balcony... but of course I was the one to get hit in the face because that's the kind of luck I have
Well I'm in the bathtub smoking a bowl and eating doritos and frosting so I might not be the one to advise you on this shit but I'll try.
He's a prodigy! It would be a service to the scientific community.
15 is 15
Eric was just sitting there open-mouthed swallowing sake from that squirt bottle for so long the lady across from us leaned over to her kid and told him not to end up like "the big alcoholic one"
Imma do four shots of whisky within two minutes and pass out. Otherwise this'll go badly.
I keep worrying the police are going to come looking for us.
For which one? Starting a fire on my porch or having sex on my porch?
What’s the best way to find out if he’s into anal?
I think you have the wrong number, but good luck with that
Randomize
