i wouldnt be suprised if in indian your name meant "walking lie"
I'm drinking while my friends build sand castles, now I know how my dad used to feel
He is an equal opportunity slut.
If I had a penis I would totaly hang shit off it. Like stretched out peach rings and fruit rollups.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Do you know how hard it is to masturbate with a runny nose?
I just got over my period in 3 days...I believe that is god's way of saying "go fuck an amazingly attractive Italian boy on vacation"
You told me to pour the Gatorade on you "like Flashdance"
Babe. You eat pussy like a god warrior sent from a galaxy far far away to destroy female genitalia with new realms of pleasure. That's how I know your not gay.
Oh dude I know. When something that's supposed stop pregnancies taste like chocolate something's up
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I tried to take home a cat on broadway last night. I named him Pinocchio and put my purse down on the sidewalk and tried to put it inside it
Last night you told me you "were too high" and didn't deserve a hashbrown.
ever had the feeling "I've been drunk in this bathroom before?" Like De ja drunk?
I woke up with a dread of barbecue sauce in my hair. Drunk munchies makes me a disgusting person.
Nothing warms my heart more than the sight of a naked hockey player in my bed.
God does not give you boobs that amazing to not share them with your friends
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