Fine. I'll sleep in my office
I bet her clit looks like pig in a blanket.
u know whats better than using ur vibrator? using it w/ jeopardy on in the background and half moaning the correct final jeopardy question. yeah that just happened.
I mean I'm basically single. Or maybe just an asshole. Either way.
Mom wants to know why I'm bringing a blender back to college.... didn't have the heart to tell her she's paying a $20,000 tuition for us to make margaritas and sleep through class
im vomiting on the 4th floor cause no one knows me there
I didn't think it was possible, but that girl next door is even louder when drunk.
When it gets to the point that I'm more comfortable being naked at his house than my own, it's time to readdress the fuckbuddyship.
He somehow managed to bang-mail me last night. I woke up this morning to a voicemail from 1:54 a.m. of moaning and screaming. I now know how talented he is and how annoying I am to have sex with.
I guess it was to be expected that I was put on somebody's list called penis socket.
Oh shit. There are penis maracas
If you were awake I would probably ride my bike over, fuck you like a god, leave you in the wonders of life, and bike home
Serio, who the fuck falls down coming offstage wearing nothing but pasties, a g-string, and a fake moustache, and now suddenly needs a tetanus shot. Me. That's who.
At the end of the night i was really thirsty and tied to a bedpost
God help them if any millennials are in the vicinity. Rent is too high and we no longer fear death
Randomize
