but his dog just died...ill send him an edible arrangement or a 6 pack or something
sitting in room practicing taking shots. has my life come to this?
standing in the yard with no pants on waiting for google maps to come and take a picture.
And then I interrupted the father of the groom, to ask if she was "ballet or pole" in the middle of his story about his niece, the dancer.
Remember when we made you finish your beer after you puked into your glass?
i hate being the asshole.
you're trying to get a guy who's been in a coma for 2 weeks and who thought he was in '08 yesterday to drive you to the liquor store?
yeah, you wanna come?
So after tonight I now have 6 Harry Potter movies left to get laid to. Before tonight it was 8. Fucking right
If he thinks that that is an acceptable way to ask me out he is out his goddamn ginger mindddddd.
You should come by for the fire station blow job tour
WEED IS MY SPIRIT ANIMAL
That one probably shouldn't have been in caps
Don't worry, I'm taking the best gay radar in the World, my sister's boobs. All guy who is not looking at them, it's fair play for us.
I was chasing moonshine with vodka last night. I'm still not sure how I'm sober right now.
I wanna die. I can't recall the last time I was happy that doesn't involve your hand touching my butt.
For the record you're a very classy lady and your love for and mastery of strap-ons is amazing. I would gladly marry you and father your offspring
His mom came while we were asleep naked and started asking me about my plans after high school... Is that even a thing.
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