Flowers- 20. Dinner-50. Drinks- 25. Hotel- 150. The look on his face when I tell him I'm on my period? Priceless.
I'm so drunk I cant read cursive anymore.
Avril Lavigne as a judge on Idol wearing devil ears. it's like every boner you ever had in 2002 just came true.
Somehow I feel more guilty using her razor then I do having sex with her boyfriend...
Dude, you need to come clean your dates vomit off the ceiling. What in the hell were you guys doing?!
He stood up, threw the bag of bud between me and Tory, yelled "Fight" and then ran upstairs for the pizza
The shit show didn't end. it just relocated itself to my apartment instead of yours.
you also need to get my treadmill fixed.
ive cried into many a lonely burritos..
Wrote my name backwards on the test and asked for extra credit points. Late start booze days are my new favorite thing.
He recreated the night that started all my mothers days. We shared a joint, drank Boones Farm, and dry humped to the Beastie Boys. Then I cried over MCA's death. Best. Gift. Ever.
I woke up with Pop Rocks stuck to my ass
I'm smoking in a kimono on the couch. Bring me gin.
I've really become a household name at this fraternity. Mother would be so proud.
Update: I spent 10 minutes trying to fish out a rogue vagina weight.
He just compared fucking my vagina to a snow flake falling on his forehead: gentle.... I'm not sure if that's a compliment or not.
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