i just walked outside for a cigarette and three men walked by in glitter heels and gold shiny thongs. god i love chicago
is it bad that while shopping i looked specifically for clothes that hold their form after taking them off and putting them on again and again?
Im too awkward for one night stands. I need to hire someone to come clear them out of my bed before I wake up.
I have glitter on my penis. Do you know anything about this?
i am making flyers for the homeless letting them know about free chipolte day
She's NOT homeless...she graduated early.
Hey! Thanks for asking, but it didnt go well. He threw up in the car on the way to dinner. Blind dates arent for everyone.
i'm sitting in the library realizing that the 2 most productive things i did this weekend was have sex and go to the liquor store...
This guy just walked into class and first thing he did was grab the garbage can, walk to his desk and say "just in case"
Like many of my risky ideas this has "burned genitals" written all over it
Breakfast tacos?
YOU ARE A FOUNTAIN OF GREAT IDEAS
I'M ALSO PLAYING VIDEO GAMES AND THINKING ABOUT ORDERING A PJIZZA. I'M NOT SURE WHAT MY MUSTACHE WANTS.
I decided staying home, watching porn and masterbating was a much better choice than the gym. And I was right.
All the party invite said was a date and "21 to drink, 18ish to sleep over"
Now accepting any stories about my adventures last night, in particular why my knuckles are bleeding.
Randomize
