I just realized that if I marry him I will have the same last name as spiderman. this makes my decision so much harder.
so i woke up this morning covered in mail. none of it is mine.
i took an adderall last night to write a paper. i ended up watching 7 hours of roseanne and couldn't look away
I realized i make the same noise when i get a blow job as when i eat pizza
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I jerked off enough times today to safely commit to the fact that im not getting laid tonight
Sorry for scaring your son with my drunken animal impressions
I wish that one Sunday morning I could wake up feeling like I have my life together.
& he told me 'I don't think ur a big slut-just kind of an average slut'
HE THINKS THATS A COMPLIMENT!!!!!
You now know someone who has just successfully talked his way out of being arrested for breaking into the town library at midnight. Ive been home for too long.
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She told me she needed to clarify that we are not fuck buddies, we are best friends that have sex once in a while
She kept screaming "best case scenario"
As I was climbing out of the pool he slapped my ass and said 'stay golden', i don't know why but it felt right.
Wait I'm all alone with a guy and his turtle
I can hear my family downstairs singing Christmas carols as I masturbate
I'm feeding a baby and swiping on tinder...what has my life come to?!?!
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