I'm the only kid serving jury duty. And I'm the only one who may walk out of here in handcuffs for a warrant. I'm enabling these people to doubt America's youth once again.
He spent most of his night trying to convince people that he had changed and was no longer a sleazebag...he had his nut hanging out of his pants about an hour later.
And then out of the blue she sent me a youtube video mashup of cats puking to techno music
There was an awkward moment where I was going for his cock and he reach out and held my hand, thinking that what I was doing
Last night in my drunkenness I bought hurricane supplies which included a jug of wine and a bouquet of flowers. Apparently I'm going to woo Irene.
This time, try to not get fingered in the middle of the living room.
I DIDNT GET FINGERED
I was rubbed
im that hungover where parking at red lights has to be done
I had to run home with my hands covering my tits this morning. How does this keep happening?
Apparently after I threw up I put my socks in the toilet......
When you were bringing him upstairs I told him to bring you on down to pound town. you're welcome.
If you put those two in a room together it'd be like a Taylor Swift fantasy and an Adele nightmare just licking faces
If it makes you feel any better, I'm eating a block of cheese...
I asked her if she could eat some Doritos so when we made out it would taste awesome
We can get drunk and battle coyotes
Ugh I realized he only responds to my snaps when I’m eating a popsicle
Why are male brains so small?
Randomize
