i'm trying to reconcile what i did last night with who i am as a person.
I'm not saying he was bad at sex, but I'm pretty sure I anti-climaxed.
Driving around Panama at 7 am looking for an open liquor store..
Nothing will ever prepare you for the moment when you are sitting on your friends bathroom floor with no pants on eating string cheese & pita at 2am.
Every time I roll over in bed I land on a different vibrator. I feel I'm the only one with this problem.
I really want to shower but i'm afraid i'll sober up. My mouth feels like a stripper pole too...
if I just puked into my own hand, but then cleaned it up quickly, quietly, and calmly, am I still a trainwreck?
I was all over the place but at every locale you would pop out of nowhere and hand me a huge drink and say "HAMMERED"
I am the fairy godmother of the drink.
Tried to make hash outta one of those keurig machines. I don't know why. Maybe the drunkenness, but now I have mushy bud and no ganja
idk the fact that her roommate had a sign that said "enter without knock, exit without cock" makes me really NOT want to go steal her pot.
Apparently he walked into the room and started yelling at some huge hairy dude to get out of my room. Except it wasn't my room... Because he was on the fourth floor.
My sheer presence has sent the hipsters running in terror. I expect no problems.
PENIS EMOJIS WOULD MAKE MY LIFE SO MUCH EASIER GAH WHY DOES THE WORLD HATE ME
He ripped down his Kate Upton poster while we were having sex last night. Im gonna take that as a good sign.
You probably shouldn't do that...but if you do take pictures
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