If penises could fly, my ass would totally be an airport.
Girl in front of me has spent the class alternating between playing farmville and the tiffany's website looking at engagement rings. Every once in a while she holds her hand up to the screen.
She doesn't deserve the breathe the same air that we do.
She just bought a cow and we've moved on to looking at wedding dresses.
dude relax anyone of us could have gotten that girl pregnant
I'm not sure if it was sex or spear fishing. He goes in for it like he's crash landing a rocket
I woke up because a stranger was shoving an already lit bowl into my mouth. Spring break is awesome
I may or may not have traded your body to the rodeo's owner for free beer.
He was rocking just a diaper, shoes, and a gun. Sadly, I would still hit it.
I've shit my pants 4 times in 12 hours... Never trust a fart when u pass 30
We were destined to go to rehab together
On my way to get pizza I followed a dog into Salvation Army where I was just hired
I'm pretty sure I imagined the dog... They still hired me
Would you like to partake in getting high as fuck with your best friend and then proceeding to cry over the shit head guys we deal with?
Do you know how many guys' fantasies I've been told I'm a part of lately?!
Just 2. But still.
I woke up this morning and I had the absolutely horrific realisation that I am the human incarnation of scrappy doo
Now: to brush my teeth, put on my grandma slippers and earplugs, masturbate to 50 Shades and then PTFO
was i wearing any clothes at that point?
socks and a thong
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