May have finally hit rock bottom...bouncer from the strip club informed me I wore the same shirt last night
I needed to borrow my dads nail clippers and next to it was an industrial size box of condoms if that wasnt bad enough I dropped the clippers behind the bed and discovered hundreds of used condoms
another holiday season passes without receiving a dick in a box, where did i go wrong in life?
Oscar is the man. He keeps getting pictures of hot nude women with messages in spanish saying "i hope you like it" sent to his phone
whose oscar?
the baller who i guess decided to give out a fake number at the bar last weekend. luckily that fake number was mine. i have enough porn to last me until next month.
I seriously just washed my dick in a public restroom. That's how dirty last night got
hooking up with my manager sounds like an even better idea while i'm sober.
I'm on strict orders from her to keep sleeping with you until you give her a job next summer.
I found out that they tried to reenact the Snooki drop by using a jump rope and the banister. Pictures say it all.
He deleted all his profile pics with her. It was like the bat signal for single women everywhere.
Did you eat 9 cans of raviolii last night?
Come on man nobody wants to admit that
He professed his love for me while I danced on a picnic table with a bottle of Absolut. I said thank you and walked away.
do you want me to tag you in the pics from the party?
Hmm. Use your judgment. Bootlicking pics are probably not ok. Otherwise fine.
New BDSM fun fact. When you get spanked hard enough with a flat object, you get welts. Welcome to thunderdome, bitches.
preface to our conversation: my vagina hurts.
I love you but I don't want to see you naked.
Randomize
