girls mom is dying from cancer and she msgs me for a booty call. I guess people cope with their situations differently.
Don't be a smartass. I'm trying to fuck a guy who's sober. It's more difficult than you think.
Stop introducing me to people as your little sister.
I don't think the lady gaga poster on your wall qualifies you as a brother.
I wanted to take a shower but I forgot we made applesauce in it last night.
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Just whatever you do please don't lick his face again.
I think that means you're growing up...when your coke nail becomes your opening mail nail.
I'm not entirely sure what happened last night, but I think I dislocated my kneecap during an epic Mario Kart battle...
He barged in the room with no shirt on, all fucking ripped with a half keg under one arm. Sara now calls him Bronan the Beerbarian
I was told I sang Taylor Swift's entire discography in between violent bursts of green vomit before falling asleep in the bath tub
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He's hitting it raw. Might as well stick his dick in a vat of SARS at this point.
I'm wearing fairy wings and I broke my wizard staff. If this isn't the most happy but sad moment of my life , I don't know what is.
You can't honestly expect me to maintain an erection when you have the Glen Beck show on
And now let us go forth, and be garbage people in public.
Isn't that our default mode?
My loniness meter has reached its peak. I just played shadow puppets using my Big Mac on the wall with my cats
He showed up to my apt at 6am wearing a suit and holding a bag of coke....how could I not let him in?
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